Summer 2009: The girl leaders of our middle school youth group at church meet to decide our small groups. These are the girls we will lead in a weekly Bible study throughout the school year. Since I had previously had several 8th graders, who would now be in high school, we decided it was best for me to start with a new 6th grade group.
Fall 2009: I start meeting with my new group. They seem young compared to the almost 9th graders that I had been working with, but it doesn't take me long to fall in love with them, and it doesn't take long for our group to feel a sense of community - something that is not common for a middle school group.
February 14, 2010: Mat proposes! (I promise this is related!)
Spring 2010: Mat and I start discussing church. As of right now, we attend different churches. We don't want to do that when we're married, so we talk and pray about our options - attend his church, Vail; attend my church, Pantano; or find a completely new church! (That last one was never really an option.)
Sometime in March 2010: We make the decision to go to Vail. In the end, it was the best decision for a variety of reasons. I tell Mat that although I am leaving close friends, I am most worried about my small group girls. I don't want to leave them. We also decide that at Vail, I will join Mat working with the high school youth group. While I did entertain the thought for a little while, it wasn't long before I realized that not working with student ministries wasn't an option.
March 2010: We start telling people of our decision, strategically. There are some people we'd rather not find out by word of mouth, or even over email. I told my close friends, and also meet with the youth pastor at Pantano.
April 2010: I made a plan and during Bible study one week to explain to my small group my decision, and why it was necessary for me to leave. They were sad, I was sad. It was a hard night, and I still don't think they fully understand why we decided it would be best for me to go to Vail rather than Mat come to Pantano.
May 2010: My girls continually remind me week after week, with their saddest face, that, "I can't believe you're leaving us!" and ask, "Why can't Mat come here?" It hurts every time. This weekend we are having a sleepover (which they've been asking for all year), and I will go with them to camp, but after this summer, I will no longer be their small group leader.
Last week, Mat taught the high school group at Vail on Sunday morning, and I went to listen. He talked about God's sovereignty, and how He is in control of our lives, and makes things happen for a reason. It really got me thinking.
I know that God wants me to marry Mat, and in a lot of ways, I understand the timing of it. But, I can't help but feel that God made a small mistake. Why would He let me start working with this 6th grade group, and build that community and those relationships, just to take me away? Wouldn't it have been better timing when I finished with my 8th graders last year? We've found in Student Ministries that it's better for a leader to be with a group all the way through middle school - all three years. Why would God want me to leave right after the first year?
But, I know that God has a purpose in this, and I know that He didn't just overlook this aspect of my life. He planned for it to go this way. For some reason. I don't know what that reason is, but I know there is one.
I told Robin last night that this has been my best group ever. In all the years I've been leading a small group (six!) I've felt the best about this one. Everything about this last year has been amazing, from the discussions we've had, to the community we've built. I am attached to these girls, and it is painful to walk away from that. Even so, God has a purpose, and His timing is perfect. I believe that even when I don't see it.
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