girl meets blog

While I haven't published many posts recently, I haven't forgotten about this blog.  In fact, I've been thinking about it quite a bit.

I actually spent a while thinking about what my blog is about, and what I write about.  I contemplated a name-change to reflect what this blog has become.  It started as a yearbook - I would answer a question about myself every day for a year.  But now, I don't remember the last time I grabbed a question out of the "journal jar." I write about whatever is going on in my life.

Over the last half year, I've learned how much writing, and especially writing publicly, does for me.  Blogging helps me to make sense of my world.  It forces me to take my mingled, incomplete thoughts and turn them into something coherent.  It forces me to decide what I really think, and what the real issues are.  It brings out the silliness of my fears, the selfishness of my desires and the profoundness of my life.  Often, I can't internalize something until I've written about it.    

And it's a shame that I haven't written a post in a while because there is oh-so-much happening right now.  I've missed blogging quite a bit over the last few weeks, and I worry that I won't be able to sort it all out.  I've just got too much built up that I could pull apart and investigate.

I want to write about how marriage counseling is going.  I want to write about the things we talk about and how it makes me feel.  I want to write about what it's doing to Mat and my relationship.  I want to tell you how important I now believe good marriage counseling is.

I want to write about the two camps I went to this summer.  I want to tell you about the teachings and what I learned about Jesus.  I want to tell you about the people I was at camp with: the girls I can't stand to leave, the best friends serving alongside me, the students I will begin mentoring and the staff I will soon join.  I want to write about how I let go of Pantano and embraced Vail.

I want to write about wedding plans, and what I am envisioning.  I want to show you the wedding bands we just picked out.  I want to write about the mere 82 days until I will be united with Mathew.  I want to tell you all of the reasons I am excited to become his wife.

I want to write about the time I spent with Mat's family in California, and what a blessing it is to find a family like that.  I want to write about the closeness I felt with them that I don't often feel with my own family.  I want to tell you how I intend to change that and what it took to get me to that point.

I want to tell you about Mandi, and how our friendship is growing still.  I want to tell you about our accountability meetings, and how I've disrespected my good friend by putting them low on my priority list.  I want to tell you what I think of her.

I want to write about my first day back at school today, and about my plans for this upcoming year.  I want to write about all the things I plan to do and all the things I plan to not do.  I want to write about what it was like to be back on campus with all of my co-workers today, catching up on our summer activities and looking forward to the year ahead.

I want to admit the lack of time I've spent with God over the last few weeks, and how I believe that is affecting me.

I want to write about what Jesus is opening my eyes to.

I want to figure out if my extreme busyness this summer was a good thing or not.

Maybe I'll eventually end up writing about all that, and maybe I won't.  I wish I could take a fews days to focus on each one, but really, I'll just have to write about whatever comes up, one day at a time.

In the end, I decided to keep the name Yearbook.  Because, that is what this blog will be.  If I write every day about what I'm dealing with that day, I'll have a whole year's record come December.  This blog will serve as a record of my formation of truth throughout the year.

Part of me feels like I should end this experiment at the end of a year, (which isn't for another six months) but mostly I don't want to.  The logical, tenacious side of me is having a hard time dealing with calling this blog a yearbook, and keeping it for more than a year, but that's a petty reason for quitting a blog, especially a blog I enjoy writing so much.  I guess we'll see what happens come 2011.

Thanks for reading, it means a lot to me.