Yearbook

Want a tour?

2011-08-29T19:47:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the formatting of this post! I'm still figuring out how to make pictures look good within posts. Any tips?

So, here is our house! Isn't it cute? I certainly love living here. Mathew and I both though we'd miss the condo, but we don't. This house is a good fit for us, and I'm certain that when it fell into our laps, that was from God.

This picture is what you see when you walk in the front door. It's our living room and what is supposed to be the dining room, but we decided to put the table elsewhere.

Here is the same room, but standing at the back door looking towards the front. You can see our red kitchen!

Now we're in the kitchen! It seems so big compared to our small, cramped space in the condo.

We've gotten a table (minus chairs!) since this picture was taken. The plan is to build in a bench around this space for our dining area.

Brand new washer and dryer! They don't beep or buzz when the load is done, they play a song. If you were standing in my house, I'd play it for you!

Front bathroom. My mom's favorite room.

Guest room....my favorite room! It's so bright and cheery!

Our "office" is a work in progress. It's currently the room everything gets thrown into if I can't find a home for it. Very helpful while moving, but it's gonna take a lot to get that room functioning in the way I'd like it to.

Finally, towards the back of the house, is our room and the master bath. Two sinks! I've also just recently decided what to put in our room, including a chaise lounge! I'm not sure my dream plan will actually happen or not, but it sure looks gorgeous in my mind :)

There ya go :)

homeowners to be...

2011-04-14T15:26:00.003-07:00

Our offer was accepted!

Over break, Mathew and I went "power house shopping." We talked to a realtor, looked at tons of houses online, and visited as many as we could get to.

We found two houses. Then we debated for a long time about each. Between the two of them, we could have made our dream house, but it came down to choosing what things were more important to us.

In the end, we chose location. We picked the house that is a little bit smaller, the one with a slightly less likable floorplan, but is exactly where we want to live, and put an offer in. And waited.

I guess I shouldn't complain about the waiting. It was only two weeks ago that we put the offer in. I've heard it can take months. Today, we are starting to get the ball rolling on the loan process, and should have the keys to our new place by mid-May.

It's exciting, and scary, and really, I can't believe it all happened so fast. We're buying a house! For real.

Oh - and that reminds me, does anyone need to rent a 2-bedroom condo in Tucson? ;)

...and then there were two

2011-04-12T19:49:00.004-07:00

Oh, wow.

I was just looking at the archives of my blog, and noticed that for 2011, the entire year so far, there is only 1 post. One measly post in 3 1/2 months. My blogging diligence has been sad. Just. Plain. Sad!

I was looking up old posts on my blog, because I wanted to see some of my notes from a Beth Moore conference I went to a while back. Turns out it was almost exactly a year ago. Neat, huh?

I've been searching around my house for the written notes I took, but can't seem to find them. I hope that doesn't mean I threw them away. I wouldn't have done that, right?

But, I also remembered that I wrote a couple of blog posts about them, so I came to look them up. And I realized what an awful blogger I've been. And I decided to write a post! And I decided to link to the Beth Moore posts, because they are actually pretty good, and they are quite relevant to Easter, which is coming up!

So, here they are (it's like five posts in one!)

More Beth Moore!

Worship

The Resurrection of Christ

The Resurrection of the Dead

The Resurrection Body

Enjoy :)

Plans for Spring Break

2011-03-08T16:37:00.000-07:00

So, a mere three days of classes, and then I'll have two whole weeks off for March Break! I am nearly counting down the hours until it begins.

I have big plans for this break, probably more than I can actually accomplish during that time (it is only two weeks, after all. I've probably got enough on my list to last me months!) Anyway, here are some of the things I'd like to do:

1. Spend some time in my classroom. Maybe about 20 hours total over the break. I'd like to get things a little more organized, and I'd like to get plans going for after the break. My goal is to walk into school again with two weeks of plans done. My goal is to stay ahead and not stress at all during the last quarter. We'll see how that goes :)

2. Decorating and Project-ing. When I moved into Mathew's house (nearly half a year ago!) I wanted to change it up. I still do. I have lots of decorating ideas, and lots of projects waiting for me. I have patio furniture I want to re-do, wall art to replace, curtains to buy or make, and the list goes on. Like I said above, this is the part of the list that could take me months.

3. House Hunting. That's right! Mathew and I are looking into possibly maybe buying a house. So exciting, I know! We don't have a ton of money saved up yet, and we'd really like to get our debt paid off. But we also feel like a house is a good investment, and it makes sense to us to buy one while they are "on sale." With houses at such a bargain, I think we'll be kicking ourselves later if we don't at least look into it.

Miscellany

2010-12-17T14:36:00.000-07:00

1. Today is the last day of school for two whole weeks! That means the school year is halfway over. I'm glad for the break, and I know that at the end of it, I'll be ready and excited for school again.

2. I got my hair cut yesterday. I'll have to doll it up and take a good picture to get up here and show you. It's cute.

3. Last night was cold and rainy, so Mathew and I stopped for some warm soup and bread at the grocery store, and ate it on a blanket in front of our fireplace. It was a blast. And it was hot. We had to scoot back from the fire before too long.

4. Try this game - I stink at it, but I can't stop playing! http://www.gamesforthebrain.com/game/cantstop/

5. My new favorite 'thing' is cinnamon. I keep getting cinnamon snacks or cereal, or sprinkling cinnamon on all sorts of stuff. I hear it's good for you, also. Bonus.

Funniest Moment of My Day

2010-11-19T16:03:00.000-07:00

After noticing that question #5 on a worksheet they were working on was, in fact, the exact same question as #3, one student said this out loud. So I responded, "That should make #5 pretty easy then, huh?"

About a minute later another kid pipes in, "Wait! I got different answers for number 3 and 5!"

One Month

2010-11-02T13:00:00.002-07:00

As of today, I've been married for one month. And can I tell you it's not what I thought it would be.

Don't think things have gone poorly, I'm loving married life! It's just...so different from what I expected, even after such a short time. Here are some things I've noticed:

1. Being married is hard! (Duh, Sarah.) I know, I know, I've been hearing this since I got engaged, and I knew that being married would be hard - very hard. But, somehow I expected it to take a little while to settle in. I thought we'd have to wear at each other for some time before the difficulties began, but it was like as soon as we said "I do," someone cranked up the knob on the work we would have to put into our relationship. I find it easier to get upset over small things and catch myself being selfish more often.

2. Being married is not like dating. I think I had this expectation that things would be similar to how they were while Mat and I were dating, but that I'd get to stay at his house at the end of the night. It is so not like that! It's less about dating and wooing the other person, and more about figuring out how to live life, together. How do we maintain our house? How do we get work done for school? What will our days look like?

3. Being married is not about me. I was told this quite a bit before getting married, and I knew it. But I can tell already, I'm not always going to be happy. I'm not always going to get what I want. It's about making choices that please God and are best for both of us. It's about being loving towards my husband, even if that means doing what I don't want to do. I want to start those habits now.

4. I love Mat. Well, obviously I do. And it didn't take being married to realize that. But it makes me smile to think about how much I really do love him. Even when he goes a little to far in making fun of me and makes me cry. Even when he can't for the life of him decide what coffee maker he wants. Even when he doesn't talk to me for an entire car ride. I'm crazy about that man, and I want him by my side forever.

Introducing....

2010-10-26T22:06:00.000-07:00

Mr. and Mrs. Mathew Miller!

Wedding and honeymoon and moving and school again has taken up most of my time, but I haven't forgotten you, blog. Not one bit.

An Old Fashioned Handwritten Letter

2010-09-22T15:35:00.001-07:00

When Noah was in Basic Training, we wrote back and forth. It was the only way to keep in contact with him, and he lived on getting his named called during Mail Call. He said it didn't matter if he got 5 letters yesterday, getting nothing always hurt. So, I tried to write him as often as I could, along with many other people.

He recently got to spend a few weeks at home, and we talked about how nice it was to write letters. We don't do that much anymore in our society, huh? Noah and I decided to keep writing letters. Who doesn't love getting a letter in the mail?

Anyway, I got a letter from Noah a few days ago. It made my day. Nothing much in the letter, just a "Hi" and "I'm doing fine," pretty much, but I enjoyed reading it. I just sat down and wrote one back to him last night, and stuck it in the mail this morning. I hope we keep it up.

Who can you write a letter to? It only takes a few minutes out of your busy day, and it would probably mean more than you think to the recipient. Go write a letter!! And mail it...even if that person lives right down the street.

Good Teaching Moments

2010-09-15T07:19:00.000-07:00

I've had some good times in my classroom lately:

I noticed a girl hiding herself in the middle of my classroom, playing with a label from her folder. She didn't think she'd even try. So, I called her out on it. I got down close to her desk and asked her, "It's still the beginning of the year, and I don't know you that well yet. I know some kids just kinda shut down when they don't understand something..." I didn't get to finish before she interrupted me, "I'm one of those kids." So I challenged her. "Well, I bet you would totally get this if you tried your best today. Will you at least try for me?" She agreed. We shook on it. Then, she tried. She succeeded. I felt like such a good teacher.

One kid has a little bit of a stubborn side. I haven't quite figured him out yet. I don't know how to motivate him. I don't know how to encourage him. He's a super-smart kid, but he's seemingly not interested in trying or working. Today, he gave up. Again. But, I talked away his excuses, and I actually got him to write something down. And wouldn't you know it, it was correct! Once he got over that first hurdle, he kept working. I was shocked. And pleased.

Another boy struggles. Even when he tries his hardest, he just doesn't get it. When he does catch onto something, however small, his face lights up. I spent some time with him, in a small group of students, pre-teaching what I planned on teaching the next day in class. He sorta got it. The next day, however, he totally rocked it. That kid was on fire! I could not believe how well he was doing. So well, in fact, that other kids were commenting. I was so happy for him!

These types of things keep me going during those times when I don't feel like being a teacher. What kinds of things motivate you at your job?

My Sweet Husband

2010-09-11T09:15:00.000-07:00

Well, he's not my husband, quite yet. Not officially.

But, he is one amazing man, who does incredible things for me.

This week, he is working so hard to get new flooring down in our house.

He is sure to make time to spend with me, because he knows I'm a little cranky when I don't get time with him.

He often offers to help me with grading and such (and I often take him up on that!)

He is honest with me always.

He cooks for me several times a week.

He encourages me to work hard, to spend time with God, and to be a better person.

He loves me. Just me, the way I am.

Isn't he wonderful? This is just a small list, and I am so thankful for such a husband. What a gift God has given me in Mathew.

Countdowns

2010-09-10T12:47:00.002-07:00

People keep asking me..."How much longer?" and I know that they are generally talking about the wedding. But the truth is, there are several countdowns going on in my life and in my head right now.

22 days until the wedding....that's the big one!
10 days of school until Fall Break begins. (9 if you count the two half days as one day!)
3 hours until the weekend is here (woot!)
2 weeks until my hair and make-up trial run, followed by girls-night-out!
5 days until my dress is ready.

Let the countdown begin!

Not Gone

2010-09-09T08:46:00.002-07:00

So, I promise I didn't disappear off of the face of the earth.

I just got a little busy.

I finally logged into my blog today, and saw that the last time I posted was the second day of school. Today, I am able to spend a few minutes writing because my students are taking their end of the quarter tests this week (we call them Benchmarks in our district).

Has an entire quarter flown by already? I can hardly believe it.

The last few months have been a whirlwind of activities. I've got quite a few DIY projects still in the works for the wedding. I've almost got my grading system down at school (ya - 8 weeks into school, and I've almost got it). I've had more appointments in the last few weeks than I knew were possible. I've been getting to know people and starting to feel like I belong at my new church.

I've managed to find time to spend with Mat, but hardly with anyone else.

But, in a few short weeks, things will slow down, and I am so looking forward to that time. I plan on reconnecting with (seemingly long-lost) friends. I plan on finishing up some of my classroom projects. I plan on blogging :) I plan on doing the things that have been forced into the back seat recently. I plan on resting.

I am a teacher.

2010-07-20T21:29:00.000-07:00

Today, during the second day of school, I felt...teacher-y.

I felt like I was doing all the right teacher things. I was interacting well with my students, I was handling situations like a pro, I was telling my kids the things I need them to know. I didn't let them get away with anything, even the small stuff. I spent a lot of time, yesterday and today, on teaching procedures, and making sure my students know what I expect out of them, and what our class is going to be like.

I felt like, starting my third year of teaching, things are really starting to click, and that makes me happy.

This is gonna be a good year, I can tell.

A Special Day

2010-07-19T17:35:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to a very dear friend of mine.

Mandi is my best friend, my confidant, the one who keeps me in line. She is so beautiful, and I love living life with her. She comes alongside me as we try to figure out what it means to be a woman of God, and she sticks with me even when I fail or struggle. I am so glad to have a "Mandi" in my life, and I love her like a sister.

Happy Birthday, friend!

What do you think?

2010-07-17T08:23:00.001-07:00

K....tell me your thoughts on the new layout and design, seriously.

Is it readable?

Does it look good?

Does it look like me?

I'm ready

2010-07-16T20:00:00.000-07:00

We teachers have been working hard all week getting classrooms and plans ready for the beginning of school. This afternoon, we let students and their parents on campus to find their classes and meet their teachers.

It's always a fun day. Even my first year of teaching, when I was super nervous and wasn't sure what to say at all. Even though I wasn't good at small talk back then, and still am not very good at it today (but better, because I've had practice). Even though students come sporadically, and as soon as I say goodbye and sit down to start working, I have to stand up again. It is a fun day.

I think it's fun because it's full of anticipation. I have high hopes for what my students and I will accomplish this year. I am looking forward to the relationships I will develop with students, and with other staff members. I don't know yet what challenges I will face this year, and how I will grow as a teacher and as a person.

So, I'm heading into "my last weekend of freedom," as one parent put it today, and then, bright and early Monday morning, the kids will be there. And I'll introduce myself and start a brand new year, with new faces and new ideas and new challenges.

I'm ready.

girl meets blog

2010-07-12T22:32:00.000-07:00

While I haven't published many posts recently, I haven't forgotten about this blog. In fact, I've been thinking about it quite a bit.

I actually spent a while thinking about what my blog is about, and what I write about. I contemplated a name-change to reflect what this blog has become. It started as a yearbook - I would answer a question about myself every day for a year. But now, I don't remember the last time I grabbed a question out of the "journal jar." I write about whatever is going on in my life.

Over the last half year, I've learned how much writing, and especially writing publicly, does for me. Blogging helps me to make sense of my world. It forces me to take my mingled, incomplete thoughts and turn them into something coherent. It forces me to decide what I really think, and what the real issues are. It brings out the silliness of my fears, the selfishness of my desires and the profoundness of my life. Often, I can't internalize something until I've written about it.

And it's a shame that I haven't written a post in a while because there is oh-so-much happening right now. I've missed blogging quite a bit over the last few weeks, and I worry that I won't be able to sort it all out. I've just got too much built up that I could pull apart and investigate.

I want to write about how marriage counseling is going. I want to write about the things we talk about and how it makes me feel. I want to write about what it's doing to Mat and my relationship. I want to tell you how important I now believe good marriage counseling is.

I want to write about the two camps I went to this summer. I want to tell you about the teachings and what I learned about Jesus. I want to tell you about the people I was at camp with: the girls I can't stand to leave, the best friends serving alongside me, the students I will begin mentoring and the staff I will soon join. I want to write about how I let go of Pantano and embraced Vail.

I want to write about wedding plans, and what I am envisioning. I want to show you the wedding bands we just picked out. I want to write about the mere 82 days until I will be united with Mathew. I want to tell you all of the reasons I am excited to become his wife.

I want to write about the time I spent with Mat's family in California, and what a blessing it is to find a family like that. I want to write about the closeness I felt with them that I don't often feel with my own family. I want to tell you how I intend to change that and what it took to get me to that point.

I want to tell you about Mandi, and how our friendship is growing still. I want to tell you about our accountability meetings, and how I've disrespected my good friend by putting them low on my priority list. I want to tell you what I think of her.

I want to write about my first day back at school today, and about my plans for this upcoming year. I want to write about all the things I plan to do and all the things I plan to not do. I want to write about what it was like to be back on campus with all of my co-workers today, catching up on our summer activities and looking forward to the year ahead.

I want to admit the lack of time I've spent with God over the last few weeks, and how I believe that is affecting me.

I want to write about what Jesus is opening my eyes to.

I want to figure out if my extreme busyness this summer was a good thing or not.

Maybe I'll eventually end up writing about all that, and maybe I won't. I wish I could take a fews days to focus on each one, but really, I'll just have to write about whatever comes up, one day at a time.

In the end, I decided to keep the name Yearbook. Because, that is what this blog will be. If I write every day about what I'm dealing with that day, I'll have a whole year's record come December. This blog will serve as a record of my formation of truth throughout the year.

Part of me feels like I should end this experiment at the end of a year, (which isn't for another six months) but mostly I don't want to. The logical, tenacious side of me is having a hard time dealing with calling this blog a yearbook, and keeping it for more than a year, but that's a petty reason for quitting a blog, especially a blog I enjoy writing so much. I guess we'll see what happens come 2011.

Thanks for reading, it means a lot to me.

Blogs I Love - Overflow of a Hart

2010-06-18T16:43:00.000-07:00

Today's Blog: Overflow of a Hart

Description: My best friend's blog. She doesn't write super often, but when she does, it is worth reading. I enjoy reading her posts, in part because I know her so well. She's honest about what is happening in her life, and how it relates to her relationship with God. She certainly doesn't have it all figured out (where would the fun be in that?) and doesn't pretend that she does, but she lays it out there and asks the hard questions.

Blogs I Love - (in)courage

2010-06-17T16:32:00.000-07:00

Today's Blog: (in)courage

Description: A collection of women contribute to this blog, bringing their unique perspective on life and their unique writing styles. They each love God with all of their heart, and what to devote their lives to Him. They talk about living life in the every day, and following God however we can where we are right now. I find the title of this blog quite fitting, as I am often encouraged by what I read here. Also, each of the women who contributes has a blog of her own. I've poked around at them a bit, and I like what I've seen so far.

Blogs I Love - Metropolitan Mama

2010-06-16T16:23:00.000-07:00

Today's Blog: Metropolitan Mama

Description: This blog is a mom's blog. Stephanie writes about being a wife and a mom to two lovely little girls. While this blog has little relevance to my life right now, I can't stop reading! She writes in such a compelling way, and also I know that one day soon, I'll be a wife, and hopefully some day after that I'll be a mom. I started reading and commenting on Stephanie's blog, and once I even won something from one of her giveaways! When she followed my link back and wrote something, I told Mat, "Somebody famous commented on my blog!"

Blogs I Love - f(t)

2010-06-15T16:16:00.001-07:00

Today's Blog: f(t)

Description: This blog may not appeal to a non-math teacher, but I just eat it up! Kate, who writes the blog, teaches math to high school students in New York (I think...) and writes about the adventure. She blogs about everything from conversations with students, to successful and not-so-successful lessons, to thoughts on mathematics and the education system. Give it a try, you might just like it! She is funny and down-to-earth and I like the way she writes. As a teacher, I appreciate the way she teaches and wants to always be better.

Today we celebrate...

2010-06-14T08:00:00.001-07:00

...the day that God gave us Mathew.

I love you, babe. Happy Birthday!

Blogs I Love - Better After

2010-06-13T08:00:00.001-07:00

During the next week, I'll be at camp with the middle schoolers. It's not really vacation, but it is a fun trip. I know that you are going to miss me and my amazing blog posts, so while I'm gone, I'll link you to some of the blogs I follow so you can continue reading other amazing blog posts.

Today's Blog: Better After

Description: A collection of before and after pictures from all sorts of DIY home decor projects. I've seen all types of re-dos, but mostly people send in pictures of furniture they've redone or entire rooms they've redone. One of my goals is to one day be featured on this blog with a redo of my own! P.S. the lady who compiles these pictures and writes a little ditty on each one is hilarious. Well, she makes me laugh, anyway.

Enjoy!

Honest?

2010-06-11T15:13:00.001-07:00

Mandi and I end our accountability questions with "Have you been completely honest with me?" Not because we think either of us would lie, but it's important to ask. I think it's easy to leave something out that I would rather not share with Mandi sometimes. It's harder to tell a bold-faced lie and tell her that I have been completely honest with her.

This happened last night. We got to that question, and I told her that yes, while I had been honest in everything I said, I had one more thing that I wanted to share with her.

It was a result of God's prompting, and as much as I didn't want to tell Mandi, I did. I listened. Had Mandi not asked that question of me at the end, I might have chosen to not listen to God and not tell her what I know I ought.

I'm glad she asks me that question, even though 9 times out of 10, the answer is just, "yes."

No Fear!

2010-06-09T19:20:00.000-07:00

Something rather encouraging happened to me today. Mat and I had conflict.

Mat and I had conflict, and I didn't fear.

We were working on something this morning, and it was not going well. He was frustrated, I was upset. There are a lot of things I could say here about what happened, but my point isn't the conflict. My point is that I didn't let myself be afraid.

Even when Mat was frustrated, and it was my fault. Even when I couldn't figure out the root of the problem. Even when I left his house and couldn't even make it to my car before the tears started. Not once did I fear for our relationship, or wonder if he still loved me.

And later, after I had processed a little bit, I made myself text him and ask him to talk. Normally, I would have balked at such a seemingly simple task, but I didn't let myself be afraid today.

And then, while we were talking, I didn't let myself shy away from sharing my feelings. I felt confident that I could tell Mat honestly what I was thinking, without having him judge me, or hate me, or think I'm crazy.

I like the way our relationship is growing, and the trust I am gaining in him. I like the way that I let go of my fear, and even more so like that I recognized it. I like being fearless.

Beauty: part two

2010-06-06T08:00:00.004-07:00

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

...He has made everything beautiful in it's time...

I read this passage from Ecclesiastes 3 the other day. I wasn't really trying to think about beauty, but there it was again. That sentence at the end hit me. It hit me hard. God has made everything beautiful in it's time. Now, I don't know about you, but there are some things on that list that I don't find very beautiful. Mourning. Uprooting. Hate. War.

This really messes up my thoughts.

Beauty: part one

2010-06-05T08:11:00.000-07:00

Beautiful.

I've heard the word used to describe women, sunsets, paintings, mathematical equations, actions, jewelry, pieces of music, nighttime skies, rooms, flowers, songs, clothes, animals, photographs and the list goes on.

But what is it?

I think we've all experienced beauty, and we know it when we encounter it, but what is it?

I've been trying to define it for the past couple of days. I've even written (and deleted) posts on my definition of beauty. Everything I come up with falls short.

One thing I know, and has been guiding my thinking is this: God is beautiful. He encompasses beauty. He created every ounce of beauty in this world.

So, I'm still thinking and writing.

How do you define beauty?

Fear: part two

2010-06-04T13:29:00.005-07:00

During the last two marriage counseling sessions, I've started to cry.

Now, let me tell you a few things about me and crying:

1. I don't like crying in front of people.
2. Sometimes I cry for no apparent reason. I attribute this to part of being a girl.
3. I sometimes can't stop the tears from coming when I talk to people about personal things.

Mat has learned these things about me. There have been a number of times I've started crying in front of him, involuntarily. Sometimes, it's because I'm upset, sometimes it's because of what we are talking about, and sometimes it's seemingly pointless. But, even though I don't like the fact that I cry, he assures me that it's ok, and that he can handle me crying.

So, when I started crying at counseling, I don't think it surprised him or bothered him. He knew that I sometimes do that, and he knew that when I said I was fine, I meant it.

Bill, our counselor, wasn't as convinced, I think, so I took it upon myself to do some explaining. I told him that sometimes I cry when I talk about personal things. In fact, I had even started crying in my boss's office once (super embarrassing, btw). I told him I really was fine, and Mat even backed me up.

As we were getting ready to leave, Bill said something that stuck with me. He said, "Sarah, I think you should look into your crying. I think it's associated with a fear. You should find out what that fear is and release it, because Jesus calls us to live without fear."

Umm...what? That statement really hit me. I didn't have to think about it much to agree that crying was probably related to a fear. I knew that if I thought about it, I could figure out what it was. I don't always cry when talking about personal things, and although I couldn't put words to it, I knew there was a very specific situation in which I would start crying.

While I knew he was right, I didn't spend a lot of time investing in figuring it out. Another example of fear coming up as a topic and me saying, "I'll think about you later."

One day about a week and a half later, I did start thinking about it on my way to school. I usually spend that time without a radio, and either pray or try to listen to God speak to me. I ended up trying to evaluate my crying and my fear. I think I had a revelation that morning, and I had an understanding of what my fear is. I still can't quite put it into words, but I think I have a more solid understanding of it myself.

This isn't quite right, but here's my best description: I'm afraid of how people will understand me.

I fear that they won't "get" me, or that they won't understand my actions and my thoughts, and I won't be able to explain myself.

Or, I fear that I'm wrong, and that something I've been trying to do or put a lot of effort into is completely off target.

I still want to investigate these fears, and nail them down a little bit more. But even before I'm done with that, I want to purposefully let go of them. After all, Jesus calls me to a life without fear. How do I go about doing that?

Fear: part one

2010-06-03T11:51:00.001-07:00

"I'm not afraid of anything."

It's something I've said or thought quite a few times. For example, the other day when the middle school staff was introducing ourselves to the incoming 6th graders and their parents. As a random question to make the introductions a little more interesting, we were told to reveal a fear of ours. My immediate thought was, "But, I'm not afraid of anything."

Even my mom said that to me one day, as we were talking about rock-climbing and skydiving and other extreme adventures. "Sarah, you aren't afraid of any of it."

And, I'm not. Yes, there is that little bit of apprehension, and yes, I have to talk myself into things sometimes. But in the end, I'm not really afraid. I actually like doing things that make me doubt a bit at first - things that get my adrenaline going.

Recently, though, I've realized that I'm not fearless. It's just that my fears aren't founded it what could happen to my physical body. They are founded it what could happen to my soul, my personality, me.

I'm afraid that people will think I'm weird, or boring, or not fun to be around.
I'm afraid that I'm not going to be truly loved.
I'm afraid that I'll always have to pretend.

P.S. I started drafting this post before my road trip. During the car ride, I was reminded of an irrational fear I have: Whenever I'm on a long drive, as a passenger, I don't sit in the car like I normally would. I sit cross-legged, or curl my legs under me, or slouch in my chair. Inevitably, I end up with my knee or my arm or some part of me pressed up against the door. And I have to double check that the car door is locked because I am afraid that the door will open while we're flying 75 mph down the freeway, and if not my whole body, at least my leg or something will fall out and I'll die or be maimed. Unfounded, I know, but I can't be comfortable until I've checked the door. Odd, huh?

What are you afraid of?

It's coming

2010-06-02T13:17:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I know I promised a series, and then I left for the weekend. But, I did spend some time thinking about these topics, and I still intend to write about them. The fear and beauty series is coming. :)

Two Biggies

2010-05-27T12:33:00.002-07:00

I've been thinking about two things quite a bit lately: fear and beauty.

They just keep coming up in all sorts of places, and I keep pushing them aside, saying, "I'll think about you later." I think God wants me to think about them now. So, I'm inspired. I'm inspired to start a series on this blog. (My first series!) (Apparently, I'm big on the milestones.)

For the next {however long}, I'm going to write my thoughts about fear and beauty. I'll probably write about each of them separately, and I'll probably write about them as I see how they are related to each other. They are both big topics, and both very relevant in my life right now, so I honestly have no idea how much I'll have to say.

Anyway, post your thoughts! I want to know where you all are in regards to these topics. Anything and everything.

I love this man.

2010-05-26T12:17:00.000-07:00

It's the final countdown...

2010-05-25T10:22:00.000-07:00

I hope that song is playing in your head now.

For me, it is the final countdown! This is the last week of school. I've been finishing up my end of the year paperwork, going through stacks deciding what to keep and what to toss, taking down posters and packing up my room (to move...again).

Two of my three classes are already over, and I'm down to just one class this last week. Even within that class, the majority of the kids will have somewhere else to be instead of my class. Today and tomorrow, I'll have 3 kids in my room for an hour. That's it. Thursday I'll have no one and Friday the kids are off.

I've had less paperwork and tasks to finish this time around, and more time to do it in, which pretty much means I'm finished. Still a few things to wrap up here and there, but nothing that will take very long. Today, I decided to visit another teacher and ask her what I could do to help her out. She gave me a job, and when I'm done, I'll get to visit someone else.

And I like that. Instead of bumbling around in my room, making up something to do, I'm going to help someone else. Someone else who is probably frantic with all that's required at the end of the year. I know. I was there last year, and it would have been great to have someone come around and say, "I'm free, what can I do for you?"

Who can you offer help to this week?

Sought Me Out

2010-05-24T08:38:00.000-07:00

With some worship songs at church, we have motions that we teach to the middle schoolers. There aren't many songs that do this, but the kids really get into it, and like doing the motions. Sometimes, they decide to make up their own motions. Up until this past weekend, I've been unsure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I mean, my first thought was that they are focused on the motions, rather than the song, and they aren't really worshipping God. Then, I thought, creating motions is keeping them engaged in the song, rather than talking to their neighbor or letting their mind wander.

But, on Sunday, something happened that made me laugh, and then made me think. I was sitting with my small group girls, who are just finishing their 6th grade year, and they started to make up motions to the song. I wasn't paying a whole lot of attention to them, but then I caught something. The chorus of the song has a line that says, "You came and sought me out," during which my girls were mock-punching each other in the jaw. What?!? How does that represent God seeking us out? My theory is that they were thinking of socking someone.

I made a point to ask them about the meaning of that line after the service, but didn't get a chance to. It got me thinking, though. Two things I realized:

1. I probably would never have realized that they didn't understand that line unless they had been creating motions. A good tip-off for me and a chance to start some conversations.

2. Which makes me realized that by creating motions, the girls are assigning meaning to the song. They are internalizing the message (correctly or not!) that the song is offering, and making it their own. That, I think, is powerful. That is what I would like them to do always.

Shoe Shopping

2010-05-21T07:55:00.000-07:00

Last night, I took one of my small group girls, Rachel, out for dinner and shoe shopping. She scored these cuties at Payless, and I couldn't leave Target without these.

So cute! Rachel has different taste in shoes than me, but she certainly looked cute in everything she tried on! I like what we each ended up with.

God's Timing

2010-05-20T09:23:00.000-07:00

Summer 2009: The girl leaders of our middle school youth group at church meet to decide our small groups. These are the girls we will lead in a weekly Bible study throughout the school year. Since I had previously had several 8th graders, who would now be in high school, we decided it was best for me to start with a new 6th grade group.

Fall 2009: I start meeting with my new group. They seem young compared to the almost 9th graders that I had been working with, but it doesn't take me long to fall in love with them, and it doesn't take long for our group to feel a sense of community - something that is not common for a middle school group.

February 14, 2010: Mat proposes! (I promise this is related!)

Spring 2010: Mat and I start discussing church. As of right now, we attend different churches. We don't want to do that when we're married, so we talk and pray about our options - attend his church, Vail; attend my church, Pantano; or find a completely new church! (That last one was never really an option.)

Sometime in March 2010: We make the decision to go to Vail. In the end, it was the best decision for a variety of reasons. I tell Mat that although I am leaving close friends, I am most worried about my small group girls. I don't want to leave them. We also decide that at Vail, I will join Mat working with the high school youth group. While I did entertain the thought for a little while, it wasn't long before I realized that not working with student ministries wasn't an option.

March 2010: We start telling people of our decision, strategically. There are some people we'd rather not find out by word of mouth, or even over email. I told my close friends, and also meet with the youth pastor at Pantano.

April 2010: I made a plan and during Bible study one week to explain to my small group my decision, and why it was necessary for me to leave. They were sad, I was sad. It was a hard night, and I still don't think they fully understand why we decided it would be best for me to go to Vail rather than Mat come to Pantano.

May 2010: My girls continually remind me week after week, with their saddest face, that, "I can't believe you're leaving us!" and ask, "Why can't Mat come here?" It hurts every time. This weekend we are having a sleepover (which they've been asking for all year), and I will go with them to camp, but after this summer, I will no longer be their small group leader.

Last week, Mat taught the high school group at Vail on Sunday morning, and I went to listen. He talked about God's sovereignty, and how He is in control of our lives, and makes things happen for a reason. It really got me thinking.

I know that God wants me to marry Mat, and in a lot of ways, I understand the timing of it. But, I can't help but feel that God made a small mistake. Why would He let me start working with this 6th grade group, and build that community and those relationships, just to take me away? Wouldn't it have been better timing when I finished with my 8th graders last year? We've found in Student Ministries that it's better for a leader to be with a group all the way through middle school - all three years. Why would God want me to leave right after the first year?

But, I know that God has a purpose in this, and I know that He didn't just overlook this aspect of my life. He planned for it to go this way. For some reason. I don't know what that reason is, but I know there is one.

I told Robin last night that this has been my best group ever. In all the years I've been leading a small group (six!) I've felt the best about this one. Everything about this last year has been amazing, from the discussions we've had, to the community we've built. I am attached to these girls, and it is painful to walk away from that. Even so, God has a purpose, and His timing is perfect. I believe that even when I don't see it.

Proposition 100

2010-05-18T17:35:00.001-07:00

**UPDATE: Just found out that Prop 100 passed, by a long shot. Thank you, Arizona voters, for valuing education and being willing to support it!**
(Ooh...this is my first ever post update! Exciting!)

Today, voters in Arizona will decide on Prop 100, which is a proposed 1% temporary sales tax hike. If passed, funds collected will go towards K-12 education, health and human services and public safety.

I debated writing about this issue earlier and decided that I didn't want to try to sway people one way or another. But, now that the vote is over, and you've (hopefully) made your decision, I'd like to share a bit about my thoughts.

I know that people who are opposed to Prop 100 say things like, "I shouldn't have to bail out the state when they got themselves into this financial mess" or "I don't trust that this sales tax increase will actually be temporary, and I don't trust that schools will actually get the money"or "Schools don't really need this money - they should be encouraged to prioritize and not spend money they don't need to spend."

Reasonable arguments. I don't want to be taxed because Arizona lacks good spending habits, and it certainly would lose the trust and heart of Arizona voters if the state found a way to direct this money elsewhere.

But, what I don't agree with is that last statement. Schools need money. Desperately.

I hear people say all the time that schools spend too much money on sports, or technology, or P.E., or field trips, or [whatever]. They live with the mindset that schools are primarily academic in purpose, and don't need any of that "extra stuff." I totally disagree.

Schools today have become more than academic. Schools today are held responsible for turning out well-rounded, well-adjusted individuals, who can problem-solve and critically analyze the world around them, who are unique thinkers that stand up for themselves and their beliefs rather than be crowd-followers, who can stay organized, stay healthy and stay informed, who can interpret the millions of messages that they encounter each day, who are college ready and work-force ready, who are tolerant of others and capable of dealing with people they don't like, and who will eventually run our nation.

And, you can't do all that without "extras." You can't do all that without money.

A teacher friend of mine said on Facebook, "While I disagree in principle, it is NECESSARY in practice. PLEASE vote YES on Prop 100 today! My students will thank you!" Well said.

What are your thoughts?

Advice

2010-05-16T20:55:00.000-07:00

"Be real. The world desperately needs real."

Just something that caught my attention in today's sermon.

Habits To Develop:

2010-05-14T15:57:00.000-07:00

At Home
1. Get up early so I have time to get ready in the morning without rushing
2. Keep groceries stocked, and use produce when I buy it
3. Put dirty clothes directly into the hamper
4. Put shoes away

At School
5. Prepare my white board for the next day before I leave
6. Spend 5 minutes a day cleaning up my room
7. Call or email one parent each day
8. Take and keep a record of attendance for my own reference

Whew...8 is enough

Romanced

2010-05-13T09:50:00.001-07:00

Mandi and I are reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge. We read one chapter every two weeks and discuss when we meet for accountability. Unfortunately, I didn't read the chapter in time for our last meeting, and now I get to post my thoughts on the chapter, "Romanced" on the blog. I actually spent some time on this, reading and rereading the chapter, doing some research, and laying out my thoughts. Pardon the long post.

After a story from Stasi about how God had romanced her, the chapter opens up discussing our desire as women to be romanced. I absolutely agree with their claim that women long to be romanced. I know it to be true of myself, and to be true of the women in my life. It's why chick flicks are so popular. They also say, "A woman becomes beautiful when she knows she's loved" (p112). I like that quote, and I like that idea. When a woman's desire for romance is being met, there is just something about her.

Then, the big statement: You don't have to be romanced by a man; you can, if you'll allow it, be romanced by God. They talk about God as your Lover, and reference a few verses to show you that it is biblical. They discuss the various ways in which God has been romancing you, including sunsets and beautiful night skies, and how God has been doing this for each of us since we were little. God has been loving us like a lover, and our job is to open our hearts to it and grow in intimacy with Him.

There is a message in this chapter that I can grab ahold of and really buy into, but there is also a lot in this chapter that I am just unsure of.

The first thing is, being in the culture I am in (modern America), my mind rebels against the idea of calling God my Lover. When I hear the word lover, I don't think of someone who loves (which, after all, is the literal meaning of the word). I think of a lover as someone you have sex with, someone you may or may not actually love. I think of someone who is committing adultery, someone who has "taken a lover." Even the dictionary defines lover as "a person having sexual or romantic relationship with someone, often outside of marriage." I believe that John and Stasi have a different intent for the word lover in this chapter, and when I change my definition of lover to "someone who loves," the chapter starts to make sense. However, I still don't find it appropriate.

I also didn't like the word romance. They call God's love for us a romance, but I'm not even sure of the authors' definition of romance. It seemed to me that at various points in the chapter, they equated romance with passion, with relational intimacy, with physical intimacy, with an expression of love, and with the act of wooing somebody. Just what exactly are they trying to say? They also made quite a statement by saying, "For the root of all holiness is Romance,"(p113) which I'm not sure I agree with anyway, but especially not if I don't know what romance actually is according to these people!

But, throughout the book they continued to refer to God as my Lover, and His love as a Romance, using the metaphor from the Bible as a basis. I understand that the Bible uses the relationship between a man and a woman as a metaphor for the relationship between God and us. As I am preparing for marriage, this is becoming even more real. Someone recently told me, "Marriage isn't about you and Mat, it's about God. It's about demonstrating the unconditional love God has for us." God loves us perfectly, the way that a husband is supposed to love his wife, and the way a wife is supposed to love her husband. And our relationship with God should be personal and invasive, like my relationship with my husband will be. Mat knows me well, and we share things that I don't share with anyone else. He invades my space and my mind, as he should, by being close to me and probing into my life and my thoughts. Our relationship is intimate, and growing in intimacy every day. My relationship with God should echo such intimacy. In fact, it should be even more intimate.

I think John and Stasi take the metaphor too far when they tell you to "put yourself in the scene [of a romantic movie] as the Beauty, and Jesus as the Lover" (p114). Jesus talks about Himself as being the Bridegroom; He doesn't talk about Himself loving us like Jack loves Rose in Titanic.

They reference three verses in particular, each from the Gospels, where Jesus calls Himself the Bridegroom (Matthew 9:15, Matthew 25:1-13, John 3:29). I looked up these verses, and in all three of them, Jesus is the Bridegroom in the wedding celebration, and the people He is talking to are guests at the feast. He's not talking about being our lover at all. He is talking about the celebration we will have when we join Him in heaven.

The rest of the chapter is sprinkled with verses from Song of Solomon and Hosea. Song of Solomon, in my opinion, is a celebration of a marriage relationship, and not a direct metaphor for the relationship between God and myself. As I recall, I am not the bride of Christ, the Church is the bride of Christ. In the book of Hosea, God tells a man to marry a prostitute, someone who would be unfaithful, as an example of God's relationship to Israel. Israel was being unfaithful by worshipping other gods. When he talks about "speaking tenderly to her," the 'her' he is referring to is Israel, His people. Neither of these books are intended to share God's love for me as an individual, but instead to demonstrate God's love and devotion for His Church, His people.

All of that aside, there was something about this chapter that stirred something in me. The following passages in particular:

Yes, we said earlier that the story of your life is the story of the long and sustained assault upon your heart by the one who knows what you could be and fears you. But that is only part of the story. Every story has a villain. Every story also has a hero. The Great Love Story the Scriptures are telling us about also reveals a Lover who longs for you. The story of your life is also the story of the long and passionate pursuit of your heart by the One who knows you best and loves you most. (p115)

Faithful obedience to God is vital, but it is not all God draws us to. It is not sufficient for our healing, no more than doing the laundry is sufficient for a marriage. And it will not be enough in the long run to carry us through. The persecuted Church is vast today. More Christians are being martyred in our lifetime than in any other time in church history. It is not obedience that is carrying our brothers and sisters - unwavering, steadfast, eyes ablaze - to their deaths. It is holy, fierce passion. Hearts afire. (p113)

These passages awaken in me the idea of something more. I come alive when I think about the idea of a Great Love Story, and about God being my hero, who rescues me from the depths because of His intense love for me. I yearn for that passion in response. I dream of being able to submit my entire life to God, to live for Him alone, and to be unwavering in my commitment, because I believe in God's power and love.

This is what I believe to be the heart of their message: God desperately loves us and wants to reveal that love to us. He wants us to know His heart. They state it so well: "What would it be like to experience for yourself that the truest thing about his heart toward yours is not disappointment or disapproval, but deep, fiery, passionate love?" (p113)

I absolutely believe that God pursues me with His love, that He truly loves me more than I can even imagine, and that the Bible is a Great Love Story. I am looking forward to the wedding feast in heaven, when Jesus will be reunited with His church, and we will celebrate indeed. I want to develop intimacy with my God and my King, intimacy that changes me. That is a message that I can hold on to.

2 Mondays Left...

2010-05-12T16:01:00.000-07:00

... in the 09-10 school year. Oh, man, am I excited! While I am really looking forward to summer break, I still want to finish this year strong. My instinct is to 'coast' during the last few weeks, by planning easy days for myself and for my students, cutting back on assignments and grading, and not doing my very best.

But that sends the wrong message to my kids. It tells them that it's alright to slack off when there are still plenty of days of school left, and it tells them that they are worth me working hard all the way until the final bell on the final day of school.

Coasting also makes my days longer and harder. It is an easy habit to fall into, because it seems to make life easier. In truth, the more planning and preparing I do, the better things go. My day runs more smoothly, the kids behave better, and I enjoy my job much more.

Also, it contributes to my personal goal of being disciplined. It takes discipline and effort to continue to work hard when I can see summer break right around the corner.

All in all, some good reasons for finishing strong. So far, so good. And, just 2 Mondays left.

My Biggest Joy

2010-05-11T15:32:00.000-07:00

My biggest joy this week was a conversation I had with Mat. It didn't have much to do with our topic, it was more to do with how our conversation went, and how we interacted with each other.

Communication has been a tricky subject for us. We aren't horrible at communicating with one another, but I wouldn't say it's our strong point, either. It's something that we both want to work on and improve.

One of the issues is our different ways of dealing with things. I am an internal processor - I like to think about things on my own in order to figure them out, and I don't feel ready to discuss something until I've had some time to get a grip on it myself. Mat is an external processor - he figures things out by talking to people, asking and answering questions, and hearing their opinions. He doesn't have it all figured out before he talks to people.

When Mat brought up something the other day, he made a point to tell me he just wanted to hear my opinion to help him figure out his thoughts, and I made a point to tell him exactly what I thought, instead of assuming he had already figured it all out.

Truthfully, it was a really small moment, but it meant a lot to me, and it restored my confidence in our relationship and our ability to communicate with each other. I thank God for what He is doing with the two of us, and how He is making us a stronger couple.

Busy Weekend

2010-05-10T08:20:00.000-07:00

Well, there goes that streak. Sorry about not posting this weekend.

Truthfully, I was super busy having a fantastic weekend!

Saturday morning, I met with a group of ladies - all of us lead a girls middle school group on Wednesday nights. We discussed the summer and the upcoming year (in Student Ministries, we follow the school year) There will be a lot of changes, including me leaving our church to attend the church that Mat does. Overall, a great meeting and a good time with these ladies that care about students as much as I do.

Later on Saturday, Mat and I met with Bill for our marriage counseling. We took the Prepare survey (test?) and have been working through our answers and working through some exercises to make our relationship stronger. I like these meetings. They can be a bit painful during the meeting, and sometimes a little awkward, but after we've dealt with something, whatever it happens to be, I always feel better about our relationship, and I am more confident in us making it.

After counseling, we rushed to dinner. A couple from Vail, Mat's church, invited us to their house. It was fun to talk with them for a while, and play a game with their family. (Dinner was fantastic, as well!)

Sunday after church, Mat and I spent some time together, and then we went to the park with my family for Mother's Day. We grilled some chicken and some burgers, played catch and a game we like to call Norwegian Golf. Then we went home and all curled up on the couch to watch a movie. Good times.

All in all, it felt like a weekend of appointments. While I didn't have a lot of free time, I really enjoyed the entire weekend. I wouldn't want all of my weekends to be like this one, but everything that I did was a good, useful thing, and I wouldn't have changed any of it.

Now it's Monday morning again. Back to the grind. The good news is that today is the third-to-last Monday of the year! Woohoo!!

Game Tuesday

2010-05-07T15:30:00.000-07:00

Every Tuesday, we play a math-related game in my class. Sometimes my kids like the game, sometimes they don't. The last two weeks were pretty successful!

Cube Game:
I have a bunch of number cubes in my room, and a little book with some games to play with them. Mostly to help kids learn their math facts.

I altered the rules of one of them to add some strategy. To play you need 4 number cubes numbered 0-5. (or you can use dice and just pretend the 6 is a 0. Ta-da! 0-5 number cube.)

On your turn, roll all 4 cubes. Use 1 or 2 or 3 (but not all 4) of the digits to create a 1 or 2 or 3 (but not 4) digit number. That is your score.

On your next turn, roll the 4 cubes again. Make a 1 or 2 or 3 digit number, and then add, or subtract or multiply or divide it (if it works out evenly) with your score.

Continue until someone gets exactly 1000. Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

Sounds so simple, but seriously, this game was a huge hit! I even enjoyed playing it.

Here's an example:

Roll: 2, 3, 3, 4 --> 24
Score: 24

Roll: 0, 1, 3, 4 --> 40
Score 24 x 40 = 960

Roll: 1, 1, 2, 5 --> 51
Score 960 + 51 = 1011

Roll: 0, 1, 1, 3 --> 11
Score: 1011 - 11 = 1000

The Product Game:
Totally fun game that I played with my students today. It seems simple, as it was invented to help kids with basic multiplication facts. But it turns out there is quite a lot of strategy to this game...

Here's a link to an online version of the game. Grab someone to play with and try it!

We made our own game boards and mixed up the numbers to make the game even more interesting.

Play both and let me know what you think!

Personal Goals

2010-05-06T10:18:00.000-07:00

I find that when I tell people my goals, I am much more likely to follow through on them. That being said, here are my personal goals for the next few months. This is just an overview, more details on each to come!

Finish Strong
I'm 4 weeks from the end of the school year...and so looking forward to summer break! I do not want to coast into summer. I want to work hard and finish strong. The end of the year is just as important, if not more important than the beginning of the year. If I slack off, so will my students.

Develop Good Habits
I am not a disciplined person. I know this about myself, and I have slowly been working to change it. Not an easy process, by the way! Something I have discovered though, is that I am a creature of habit. I fall into good and bad habits, and that is the way I live my life. I want to purposely develop good habits, and purposely break bad habits. The last few months have been about breaking bad habits, and now I need to fill my time with good habits, or else I will just fall back into the old ones.

Build Relationships
This was my New Year's Resolution, and I am still working on it. I am focusing on building and strengthening current relationships, as well as starting new ones. It's going slowly, but I am definitely making progress. Yay me!

Spend Consistent Time with God
This one almost falls into my "good habits" goal. I would like spending time with God to become a habit - something I am used to doing, and something I notice if I don't do. I've already started to spend my drive to work with God, and I've definitely noticed when I miss it. I know it's not an established habit yet, and I need to continue working at it daily.

Reflect
When I was in college, learning to be a teacher, I was told numerous times that the best teachers are reflective teachers. They analyze their lessons, their students and themselves to see what could change - how are things and how could they be better? I want to be that way in my life. I want to reflect on my teaching, yes. But, I also want to reflect on my relationships, my habits, my spending, my thoughts and beliefs, my small group, everything. I want to spend time looking at my life, to ask how are things and how could they be better?

I wrote a few days ago that I am trying to blog every day. That goal actually falls into my personal goals quite well. It will require me to be disciplined, and it will give me an opportunity to reflect.

What are your personal goals? How are you going to act on those goals?

The Resurrection Body

2010-05-05T13:06:00.000-07:00

Whew...never finished my Beth Moore notes! The last section of 1 Corinthians 15 is about our bodies in the next life, our resurrection bodies.

I liked this part of Beth Moore's talk the most. I heard her explain things in a way that I've never heard before, and in a way that makes so much sense to me.

First, she talked about the difference between our current, earthly bodies, and our spiritual, heavenly bodies. They are definitely different. 1 Corinthians 15:40 says "There are also heavenly bodies and there are earthly bodies; but the splendor of the heavenly bodies is one kind, and the splendor of the earthly bodies is another." Doesn't get much more straightforward than that.

Now look at how these two bodies are compared: Paul talks about the body that is sown and the body that is raised. Our earthly bodies are sown, like a seed, and are raised, like a plant. That is how much difference there is between these two forms! Our bodies right now, as intricate and stunning as they may be, are as lowly as seeds when compared to our future bodies. Put a seed next to a full grown plant. The seed is so dull and lifeless in comparison. Ya, it's full of potential, but that's it. Potential. Same with us and our body. What we have now is just a seed. Dull and lifeless compared to what it could be.

We will have actual bodies in heaven - Beth referenced Jesus eating and being touched after he had risen from the dead. These new bodies of ours will be better suited for the lives we will live. We will live with God, and gaze upon Him daily. Our bodies will be able to handle that. In the old testament, God would not show His face to anyone, because He knew the effect it would have, He knew they wouldn't be able to deal with it. We need to be able to deal with it in heaven. Also, we will live forever. Eternity. Not a really, really long time. Beyond time. We need bodies that will stand up to that. Our bodies right now start decaying as soon as we're born. They weren't made to last for more than 100 years or so. We need everlasting bodies.

It makes me think of Jesus' sacrifice in a new way. We talk about him leaving his heavenly home, and coming to earth as a baby, a humble baby, to show us the way and then die for us. But, you know what else he gave up? His heavenly form, his body. He took on a human body. He went from being a beautiful, full grown flower, to being a seed. To dull and lifeless. Wow.

I am thankful for Jesus's return to an earthly body to save my soul, and I am thrilled about the new body I will receive when I live with Jesus in heaven. What an amazing thing it will be.

Who are you?

2010-05-04T13:12:00.000-07:00

"Are the real you and the visible you consistent?"

Well, are they?

That's one of the questions Mandi will ask me when we meet. (I'll ask her, too!)

When we first started meeting, I would always say "Yes, of course" in response to this question. I wasn't purposely hiding anything from anyone, and I don't think I put on a front. Over the past little while, though, I've been thinking differently about it.

No, I don't put on a front, and I don't purposely hide anything. But at my job, the visible me is not the real me. At work, I'm not very visible. I don't have much of a relationship with my co-workers, and a I don't spend much time outside of my classroom. My kids know who I am, but the teacher next door? I doubt it.

So, really, the real me is not being visible. I am not presenting myself as I really am. Not being a people person, and working somewhere where I really have to be intentional about talking to people, it doesn't come easy.

I've made some steps (baby steps) towards remedying that, and I think that eventually I will be able to say, again, that yes, of course the real me and the visible me are consistent. But I'm not there yet. Good thing Mandi will keep asking me!

Packrat

2010-05-03T14:32:00.000-07:00

Confession: I am a little bit of a packrat.

I find sentimental value in things that other people don't. Or I think I might be able to use something in a craft, and if I toss it, I'll never find another one. Or, I have something I don't need, but feels a waste to toss and too insubstantial to give away. There are lots of reasons I keep things.

Over the past few years, I've gotten much better. I've moved 5 times in the last 6 years, and that tends to decrease your belongings! During my most recent move, from one apartment to another last October, I told Mat, "I'm just going to hope that the next time I move I have about 60% less stuff - it would make things so much easier!" I kind of meant it as a joke, Mat took it as a goal and a challenge. "Well, moving and putting things away is the best time to get rid of stuff, because once you find a home for it, you're much more likely to keep it," he said to me.

So, I took on the challenge. I don't honestly believe that by my next move, I'll have gotten rid of more than half of my belongings, but I will have gotten rid of quite a few unnecessary items. One of the first things I did while unpacking was set up a few "get rid of" piles. One was stuff to give away, one was stuff to throw away, and one was stuff to sell. Since then, even though all most of my stuff has found a home, I keep a standing, "Get rid of" pile in my house. When the box gets full, I find a way to give or sell everything in it.

I read this quote today: "Every increased possession loads us with new weariness." John Ruskin

I've heard similar sentiments before, and I tend to agree. I'm not getting rid of my stuff solely to make moving easier. I'm getting rid of stuff to make my life simpler, to help me focus on the intangibles like relationships, and to prevent myself from getting bogged down by comparing what others have to what I have.

What did you do for someone else?

2010-05-02T13:31:00.000-07:00

Mandi and I ask this of each other every other week. Usually, we both (or at least I) do some soul searching to come up with something like, "I held the door open for that lady."

We also have come to an understanding that this question means, "What did you intentionally do for someone else?' which means that holding the door open doesn't even count, because it was just situational, I didn't wake up intending to hold the door open.

Every week, I hear this question being asked, and I always feel...sad. Not guilty, but just disappointed in myself a little bit, because I want to be the kind of person who does things for people. Intentionally. I want to purposefully plan to serve those around me. And, each week I am reminded that I didn't do that.

And, it would be so easy to take a few minutes out of my day to think about the people around me and what I could do for them. After a while, it would become more of a habit, and I would be more aware of what is happening in the lives of the people around me. People whom God has placed in my life for a reason.

Hopefully blogging about this will help me get my butt into gear, and encourage me to start thinking about what I can do for people, intentionally.

What have you done for someone else this week?

Blogging Every Day!!

2010-05-01T13:41:00.000-07:00

I've made it a renewed goal of mine to blog every day. And, I'm taking this goal seriously. Blog. Post. Every. Day.

Consistent Time with God

2010-04-30T13:30:00.000-07:00

Not too long ago, I started turning off my radio on the way to work in the morning. I was using that time for silence and listening to God. Then it turned into a prayer time, with me talking to God instead of listening to God. Then, it turned into something else entirely - a time to run through my to-do list for the day, a time to process a conversation, a time to plan the weekend.

So, my consistent time with God hasn't really been with God. And that really stinks, because I noticed a change in my days when I started them with 20 minutes of God time. I really did. I was in a better mood, I accomplished more, I was more the person I want to be.

And getting back into that habit has been proving more difficult that I imagined it could be. Why is that? I think it's because consistent time with God is so powerful. It's powerful and effective, and the Devil will do anything he can to attack and destroy that time. He will make me busy, and worried and distracted. He will give me things to think about on my way to work instead of God. He will make me whine, "I just don't wanna talk to God right now." Anything to keep us apart.

And, no, I'm not blameless here. It is my job to fight off his attacks and pursue a daily, intimate relationship with God. So, I'm still keeping the radio off. And I'm still trying to fall back into listening to God in the mornings. I wanna fight for this time that is so powerful.

How do you spend time with God? Are you consistent? What does Satan use to distract you?

Preparing for Marriage

2010-04-26T15:38:00.000-07:00

"You should do more planning for your marriage than you do for your wedding" was a piece of advice I was given not too long ago. I like the advice, and I immediately started evaluating.

Evaluating and comparing how much marriage preparation Mat and I are doing is not easy. I can easily measure progress towards planning our wedding. Order flowers? Check. Dress shopping? Check. Schedule for the day? Check. There is a list of things that must be done, and if they are all completed, the wedding will run smoothly. (Not perfectly, of course!)

But what about a marriage? Sure, there is a list of things we can do to prepare and plan for that. But, in the end, I can't really measure progress towards planning our marriage. I can tell you what we are doing, and how it's going, but I'll never be able to say something like "Yep, our marriage is really coming together. Just a few finishing touches, and we'll be all set."

I think preparing for your marriage is just getting a head start on all of the maintenance and upkeep that a marriage requires. Anyone knows that keeping something good is much easier than making something good. It takes constant communication and effort to keep a relationship where it should be. Preparation for our marriage starting out as best we can, and going from there.

I think preparing for your marriage is learning to understand what marriage is - a lifelong commitment, not just to each other, but to hard work. Marriage is a tough job, that will always be tough. Even when Mat and I have been married for 50 years. That is the commitment that I am making.

I think preparing for your marriage is learning and practicing the things that don't come naturally. Things like putting the other person first and treating them with respect, being loving when you don't feel like it, dealing with conflict and arguments, merging two lifestyles together.

So, now I am asking myself questions like these: "Is our relationship good right now?" "Could it be better?" "Do I understand what is required of me?" "Does Mat understand what's required of him?" "Are we willing to make that commitment?" "What skills have we developed to help us?" "What skills do we lack?"

Those are the questions I need to be focusing on and thinking about more than, "Which earrings go with my dress?" "What will our first dance be?" and "Should we serve chicken or beef?"

What do you think preparing for a marriage means?

Noah made it!

2010-04-18T17:23:00.000-07:00

Well, Noah made it through 8 1/2 weeks of Basic Military Training. We went to Lackland AFB, in San Antonio, TX to watch his graduation last weekend, to celebrate and to be with him as his family. Here he is with Dad, at the graduation ceremony, and with Zach, touring the Riverwalk:

Good times. He wasn't allowed to wear anything other than his uniform, but I liked seeing him like that. Whenever we were out, he was constantly being stopped and thanked for serving. To me, he is just my brother. I'll always think of him that way. But, he is also an airman in the United States Air Force, and he will serve his country with pride. I'm thankful for that, and I'm proud of him for that.

The Resurrection of the Dead

2010-04-16T13:02:00.001-07:00

If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men. 1 Cor 15:19

Wow. That verse hits me hard. During her talk on 1 Corinthians 15, Beth Moore highlighted this verse. The good news is, it is not only for this life that we have our hope in Christ. We have a hope in Christ that is eternal. A hope in Christ that will take us into the next life. A hope in Christ that is something we can lean on forever.

Have you ever heard a Christian say, “Well, even if I was wrong (about God and heaven), then at least it was a good way to live”? What a horrible thought! To be believing and hoping in something, that in the back of your mind, you have decided might actually not be true. How awful to be hoping in and living for a reward that you may or may not get.

If it turns out that our faith is just for this life, that our hope is in vain, and there is nothing waiting for us ‘on the other side,’ then we are to be pitied. Pitied more than anyone else.

It means we are living in a certain way - denying ourselves pleasures of this world, enduring teasing and persecution, spending hours in the Bible and at church - for nothing. We are devoted to a cause that has nothing to it. If that doesn’t deserve someone’s pity, I don’t know what does.

Here are a few other points that Beth Moore made, which I liked enough to write down (and there wasn’t much that she said that I didn’t write down).

All is proceeding as planned. God knew from the beginning, when He created Adam and created Eve, that when the year 2010 rolled around, this is what the world would look like. He knew that people would fall into sin, and live selfish, cruel lives. He knew that He would have to flood the earth, saving only Noah and his family at some point. He knew that the only way to reconcile His people would be to watch His Son take on human form and die a horrible death on the cross to atone for our sins. He knew that some people would turn away and choose not to believe in Him, that some people would use His name as a curse word, that some people would do terrible things, all in the Name of God. He knew that there would be earthquakes and fires and murder and drugs and addictions and all kinds of heartaches. He knew. And He planned for it. Sometimes I fall into the mindset of “What has our world come to?” or “We have made such a mess of things!” But the truth is, while we are far from God’s ideal plan, we are right where He knew we would be. We are ‘right on track.’ Our God is still in control.

Adam is paralleled with Jesus. Just as Adam marked the beginning of a new era, Jesus marked the beginning of a new era. Adam was created innocent. Jesus remained innocent. Adam received life from Jesus. Jesus died because of Adam. Adam’s body came from and returned to dust. Jesus’s body saw no decay. (none-even after 3 days in the tomb!) Adam brought the fall. Jesus rose again. Adam walked with God. Jesus was God. How cool is that? I love that our God is a superior story-teller and a God of details and meaning. There was meaning in every aspect of Jesus’s life.

Jesus will return. This is the beginning of the end of God’s plan, the plan that is going just as it should. The plan that has an end, and has completion. When Jesus returns to earth, it is part of a series of events that will lead to humanity’s restoration and reconciliation with God. Jesus will bring about perfection and closure, and we will be back into God’s ideal. I really hope I get a chance to see even just a glimpse of God’s plan as a whole, the big picture that He is looking at. I want to see the meaning behind all that He has done, and all that He will do.

The Resurrection of Christ

2010-04-03T13:55:00.000-07:00

Beth Moore went through 1 Corinthians 15 during her conference. The chapter is divided into three sections: The Resurrection of Christ, The Resurrection of the Dead, and the Resurrection Body. I want to spend some time sharing my thoughts about each section. How appropriate that this Easter weekend I will be talking about the Resurrection of Christ!

Paul starts out in verse 3 sharing what is of "first importance." What he says next is the backbone of our faith, it is what we must believe to call ourselves Christians. He says Christ died for our sins, he was buried, (meaning he was really, truly, completely dead) and was raised again on the third day. This is of first importance. If I trust in nothing else, let it be that I trust in Christ's death, burial and resurrection.

Then Paul lists everyone that resurrected Christ appeared to. The first person Paul mentions is Peter. At sometime before he appeared to his disciples, Jesus found a time to appear to Peter. Just the two of them. No where else in the Bible is this encounter recorded, and certainly no where in the Bible are the details shared. We don't know and may never know what Jesus said to Peter. That's between Jesus and Peter. I think that is amazing. I like that. What God intends to be secret will stay secret, and there are some dealings between God and me that I would rather stay secret.

Next, Paul says, Jesus appeared to the Twelve (called so, even though now there are eleven of them) and then to more than 500 people at once. Our faith is based on fact! More than 500 people saw the resurrected Christ. All of his disciples saw the resurrected Christ, and most of them died horrible deaths defending what they saw. We today may not be able to see and touch Jesus Christ, but we know that there were in fact people who did. Lots of people.

Jesus also appeared to James, his brother. James, who grew up with Jesus, and, during his life, didn't believe him. James didn't follow Jesus and didn't think he was the Son of God. Then, James watches his brother die on the cross, and three days later is visited by that brother. What a shock that must have been! Again, we don't know what was said during this encounter, but consider this: James later writes this in regards to Jesus: [I am] a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ. (James 1:1). Whoa. This is James's brother that he is calling himself a servant of. Can you imagine calling yourself a servant of your brother? Ya, right. But, something in that encounter with Jesus totally changes James's perspective. He goes from not believing in the deity of Jesus, to calling Jesus the Lord Jesus Christ, and making himself a servant of his brother. That must have been one powerful conversation.

Lastly, Paul says that Jesus appeared to himself. To Paul, the least of the apostles. Paul doesn't deserve to be among the other apostles, he says, but by God's grace, he is one. By God's grace, and by God's grace alone, Paul is what he is. The same is true for us. We are only what we are by the grace of God and it would behoove us to not forget that fact. Our God is a jealous God and he will NOT share his glory. God is not interested in what we can do on our own. He is only interested in who can give him glory.

Paul says that God's grace was not without effect. It was not hollow, not worthless, not empty. God's glory made a difference in Paul's life, it made his life full.

Tomorrow I will celebrate the resurrection of my Lord and my Savior, Jesus Christ. It it because of his glorious resurrection that I am what I am, and it is because of his glorious resurrection that my life is not empty. Let me not forget what he has done for me through his death and resurrection, and let me not take any of the glory for myself, but rather proclaim the mighty works and loving kindness of my God and my Jesus.

Silence and Remembering God

2010-04-01T04:27:00.000-07:00

So, I promise I am still working on Beth Moore posts....she had so much to say, and I want to be able to write with as much clarity and heart as she spoke.

Anyway, in the meantime, I have something else to write about. A few weeks ago, we challenged our middle school youth group with the discipline of silence. We talked about the distractions that constantly invade our lives, and how we cannot expect to hear God's voice if we are always listening to something else. I told my 6th grade girls that I wanted them to find 10 minutes a day to be still and listen to God, for a full week. 7 days. I told them that it is a skill that you have to practice, and a habit you have to form. You are not going to be able to clear your mind and hear God the first time you do it, but it will get easier as time goes on. You are not going to be able to do it everyday, until you start making it a regular part of your life.

And, any challenge I give my girls, I try to follow through with myself. It's only fair, right? Plus, anything I'm challenging them to do would also benefit my life and my walk with God.

So, for the past two weeks or so, I've turned the radio off on my 20-minute drive to work. Some days I can be totally silent and wait for God to speak. Some days my mind races with all of the things I have to remember, and I catch myself drowning out God's voice. Some days I start praying to God, which isn't a bad thing, but isn't the purpose of having the radio off.

All that to say, I've been moderately successful. I've heard God say one thing to me, and it was pretty convicting. I think He may be waiting on my to act on that before He speaks again. (well...get to it, Sarah!)

Something else that has come out of this time is me realizing how much I need that daily time with God. I need time every day spent talking to Him and listening to Him. On days that I start praying in the morning, it's because it's been so long since I've talked to Him.

I am horrible at spending daily time with God. Horrible. Some days, I don't remember God at all. AT ALL.

I meet with my friend Mandi twice a month, and we talk about our lives, and how we are doing. Accountability. We start with the same question every time we meet. "Have you spent time with God consistently this week?" and I start with the same answer every week, a resounding, "No." Tonight, I will again tell her no. I did turn my radio off everyday, but I don't consider most of those morning drives as time spent with God. Something else needs to become a part of my daily habit. I need to set time aside everyday just to spend with God. Every day. And, like I tell my girls, I am not going to be able to do it everyday until I start making it a regular part of my life, until it becomes a habit.

Worship

2010-03-30T16:12:00.000-07:00

There were 3500 women at the conference and it was held in a large arena. We got their early enough on Friday night to find seats and talk for a little bit. When it was time to start, the house lights went down and the stage lights came on. The room was full of colors and movement....and worship felt like a show. I didn't like it.

Even when the worship leader, Travis, started talking and told us how the people on stage weren't here to entertain us, but to bring us into the presence of God, I rejected his words, and thought, "Then why are you putting on such a performance?" Really, I think the problem was with me and not them.

I got all high and mighty, and tried my best not to be distracted, and not get so bogged down in this "American" way of doing things. And then it hit me. This is the American way of doing things. In Africa and in Argentina and in America, we each have our own way of celebrating our God and bringing praise to Him. Who am I to think that our high-tech, structured way of worshipping was any less valuable or enjoyable to God than the rustic, spontaneous worship of another culture? Or the energetic, boisterous way of yet another culture? Any form of worship is good worship, as long as our hearts are in the right place. Once I realized that, I had no problem focusing on God instead of the lights. It was amazing.

We sang a variety of songs - from modern songs I sing with the youth group to hymns, and everything in between. What a treat that was! I don't normally pick lines out of songs, but one in particular really got to me:

"We are the church, and we stand as one"

I've heard and sung these words before, standing in my church, surrounded by people I do church with every week. This time I was singing it among a group of 3500, of whom I knew exactly 4. It was odd for me to think of all of the ladies in that room as "the church," of which I am a part. "The church" that is to be united, is to stand as one. I felt compelled to stop singing and start introducing myself to the people around me. If I was "the church" with them, I wanted to know them!

I didn't stop singing, and I didn't meet anyone new, and I am a little upset about that. I was there to learn about God, but I was there for myself and, honestly, didn't care what the women around me were getting from the conference. It's got me thinking about how the church can stand as one. Not just the people at the church I attend, the church of all of God's people around the world.

More Beth Moore!

2010-03-28T16:59:00.005-07:00

This weekend, Beth Moore was in Tucson, and I attended her conference. I saw her in Phoenix a few years ago, and was very much looking forward to being able to see her again (and being able to stay in town)!

Anyway, over the next few days, I would like to post my thoughts on the conference (there are a lot of them). Beth spent the conference going through 1 Corinthians 15. I posted it below. Go ahead and read it today. (BTW- not sure what's up with the size of the text. Tried to fix it a few times, then gave up.)

1 Corinthians 15 (NIV)

The Resurrection of Christ

¹Now, brothers, I want to remind you of the gospel I preached to you, which you received and on which you have taken your stand. ²By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise, you have believed in vain.

³For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, ⁴that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, ⁵and that he appeared to Peter, and then to the Twelve. ⁶After that, he appeared to more than five hundred of the brothers at the same time, most of whom are still living, though some have fallen asleep. ⁷Then he appeared to James, then to all the apostles, ⁸and last of all he appeared to me also, as to one abnormally born.
⁹For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. ¹⁰But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me. ¹¹Whether, then, it was I or they, this is what we preach, and this is what you believed.

The Resurrection of the Dead

¹²But if it is preached that Christ has been raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? ¹³If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. ¹⁴And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith. ¹⁵More than that, we are then found to be false witnesses about God, for we have testified about God that he raised Christ from the dead. But he did not raise him if in fact the dead are not raised. ¹⁶For if the dead are not raised, then Christ has not been raised either. ¹⁷And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. ¹⁸Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. ¹⁹If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men. ²⁰But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. ²¹For since death came through a man, the resurrection of the dead comes also through a man. ²²For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive. ²³But each in his own turn: Christ, the firstfruits; then, when he comes, those who belong to him. ²⁴Then the end will come, when he hands over the kingdom to God the Father after he has destroyed all dominion, authority and power. ²⁵For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. ²⁶The last enemy to be destroyed is death. ²⁷For he "has put everything under his feet." Now when it says that "everything" has been put under him, it is clear that this does not include God himself, who put everything under Christ. ²⁸When he has done this, then the Son himself will be made subject to him who put everything under him, so that God may be all in all.
²⁹Now if there is no resurrection, what will those do who are baptized for the dead? If the dead are not raised at all, why are people baptized for them?³⁰And as for us, why do we endanger ourselves every hour? ³¹I die every day—I mean that, brothers—just as surely as I glory over you in Christ Jesus our Lord. ³²If I fought wild beasts in Ephesus for merely human reasons, what have I gained? If the dead are not raised, "Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die." ³³Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character." ³⁴Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God—I say this to your shame.

The Resurrection Body

³⁵But someone may ask, "How are the dead raised? With what kind of body will they come?" ³⁶How foolish! What you sow does not come to life unless it dies. ³⁷When you sow, you do not plant the body that will be, but just a seed, perhaps of wheat or of something else. ³⁸But God gives it a body as he has determined, and to each kind of seed he gives its own body. ³⁹All flesh is not the same: Men have one kind of flesh, animals have another, birds another and fish another. ⁴⁰There are also heavenly bodies and there are earthly bodies; but the splendor of the heavenly bodies is one kind, and the splendor of the earthly bodies is another. ⁴¹The sun has one kind of splendor, the moon another and the stars another; and star differs from star in splendor. ⁴²So will it be with the resurrection of the dead. The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable; ⁴³it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power; ⁴⁴it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body.
If there is a natural body, there is also a spiritual body. ⁴⁵So it is written: "The first man Adam became a living being"; the last Adam, a life-giving spirit. ⁴⁶The spiritual did not come first, but the natural, and after that the spiritual. ⁴⁷The first man was of the dust of the earth, the second man from heaven. ⁴⁸As was the earthly man, so are those who are of the earth; and as is the man from heaven, so also are those who are of heaven. ⁴⁹And just as we have borne the likeness of the earthly man, so shall we bear the likeness of the man from heaven.
⁵⁰I declare to you, brothers, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. ⁵¹Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed— ⁵²in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. ⁵³For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. ⁵⁴When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory."
⁵⁵"Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" ⁵⁶The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. ⁵⁷But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
⁵⁸Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

First Day of School

2010-03-22T15:16:00.000-07:00

Today is my first day back at school after 2 weeks off.

Normally, I dread coming back to school, giving up my carefree days of sleeping in, making lunch plans and doing whatever I feel like. Normally, I stress out a bit in the few days before heading back to school. Normally, that alarm comes mighty early and I struggle to get up Monday morning.

Not so this time! I'm not sure exactly what made things different, but I didn't dread coming back to school. To be honest, I didn't really think about it during the last few days of break.

For one thing, I spent the last few days of break actually being on break. Mat's parents were in town, so we spent a few days doing fun things with them. We went out to the Desert Museum (worth it if you live in Tucson!), we had dinner, we drove out to Sonoita for a day. I was on break, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Also, while I didn't have every little thing taken care of, I did some work over break, and some planning ahead, which made things a lot less stressful walking in on Monday morning.

This last one I can't really explain - I thought I was going to have a real tough time getting up this morning. Especially considering that over the last week of break, the earliest I could make myself get up was 8:30, and that was rough. But, no, this morning I got up just fine and didn't even have to rush (much) to get out of the door on time. It was quite a blessing.

To top it off, I had a fun and productive day. I came to school ready to work. I had fun with my kids. I got settled back in rather quickly.

Overall, a very good day.
And, to add to my very good day, I get to leave school and go try on my wedding dress this evening. I think I've found "the one"!

That Kind of Person

2010-03-20T09:15:00.000-07:00

I am the kind of person who doesn't get easily angered.

I am the kind of person who keeps to myself.

I am the kind of person who feels compelled to complete any challenge given me.

I am the kind of person who is hard on myself.

I am the kind of person who likes to think.

I am the kind of person who is easily intimidated.

I am the kind of person who gives into my cravings.

I am the kind of person who avoids confrontation to the point it becomes detrimental to myself.

I am the kind of person who fears what other's think of me.

I am the kind of person who takes a long time to process.

I am the kind of person who attempts to be indifferent.

What kind of person are you?

The Story

2010-03-19T22:34:00.000-07:00

Valentine's day was 1 year since our first date, and we wanted to spend some time together that day. Unfortunately, it was a Sunday, which is the worst day for us. We attend different churches and then Mat generally works in the afternoons. So, I decided that we should skip church (so bad!) and I made a breakfast picnic. It was awesome! We drove out to the park, and ate and spent the morning walking around. Really good date! Then it was time for Mat to head back for work.

I went home for a few hours and then got ready for dinner. My friend Mandi and her boyfriend Jason said they would take me out to dinner so I wouldn't be alone on Valentine's. So, it comes time for them to pick me up, and I open the door, and it's Mat :) Totally took the day off and didn't tell me, the stinker.

We headed to Mat's house, and he said he had to run upstairs and grab something. While he's up there, I started talking to his roommate, Matt. (Ya, Matt and Mat live together!) When Mat comes back downstairs, I'm still talking to Matt, and it's a pretty in depth conversation, which I think nothing of, and keep talking, except that Mat is getting impatient. Finally he hands me a bottle of wine and says, "I'm taking my girlfriend." I thought we were going out to dinner, but Mat starts walking upstairs. So I follow, and then realize that we are going out onto the roof (he has a flat roof, and we like to sit out there sometimes).

He helps me up onto the roof, and I'm all the way up before I turn around and see dinner! He totally brought a table and everything up to the roof! We sat on a blanket, and he had a short table with candles and it was so pretty!! He even brought a propane heater up there, because it was definitely a little chilly.

We made cheese fondue and had dinner as the sun was setting. Then, we made chocolate fondue for dessert. While we were eating dessert, we played a game Mat made up. He wrote a bunch of silly things on index cards with a point value for each. We took turns drawing a card and doing what it said, and earning the points. (I won the game, by the way!) After that, he gave me a present. I started to unwrap the box (which I had already decided was too big to be a ring box. Plus, I didn't want to get my hopes up and then be disappointed), and found a white box, which I opened and found another box. I started to pull it out, and hadn't seen what it was yet, when Mat reached across the table and grabbed it out of my hands. I was confused for a couple of seconds ("Hey---that's my present!") until I saw him starting to open it and realized it was indeed a ring box. He walked around the table and made me stand up, and then he got down on one knee and asked me a rather important question.

And, we laughed and we kissed and we hugged. And, then, he said we had to leave. "But, why? I don't want to leave." We headed to a friend's house, where he had invited some people over to celebrate with us. My parents were there, and they brought champagne and cake. It was a lot of fun.

Yay! I'm engaged :)

Cleaning House

2010-03-18T13:50:00.002-07:00

"If you help me clean my house, I'll help you clean your house."

That's the deal Mat offered me the other day. So I agreed. We spent a couple of hours 'hard-core cleaning' his house the other day. Everything from clearing off the table, to washing the floorboards, to vacuuming the stairs. And, let me tell you, it looks amazing!

Later this week, we'll do my place. I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to a clean house and looking forward to working on something with Mat. I enjoyed the time we spent at his house, even though we were doing chores, and I think I will enjoy it at my house as well.

Both of us like having a clean place, and neither of us are afraid of housework. You wouldn't know that to look at our houses about 90% of the time. We have dirty, messy houses!! Both of us. Mat asked me, "When we live together, do you think we'll have a clean house, or a messy house?"

Our intentions say clean house. Our track record says messy house.

Somehow, I still think we'll have a clean house, if only because we both want a clean house. Even though we both want a clean house now, and neither of us have one, somehow in my mind, I think it will change once we get married and live together.

I think that about a lot of things: Once we're married, cleaning will actually happen and not just be a good intention. We'll be able to focus on work and getting stuff done, rather than just want to kill time with each other. We'll start saving money intentionally. Things will happen automatically.

I'm trying to get myself out of that mindset. Nothing will be automatic. Anything that we want to happen will take effort, commitment, and work.

Update on Noah

2010-03-17T13:30:00.001-07:00

I've gotten two letters and a phone call from Noah so far. He's been at Basic for 4 weeks. It makes my day to get a letter, and I was so surprised and glad to be able to talk to him for 20 whole minutes!

I got engaged a week after he left, so I had to tell him by letter. I wasn't sure when he'd actually find out, and while he was one of the first people I told, I think he ended up being one of the last to know. Odd, huh?

He seems like he's doing alright. He said he doesn't really like it, and while it's getting easier, he's still not used to things. But, he's pushing through and he will do just fine. I am really looking forward to April, when I am going to Texas to watch him graduate. Less than a month away. If I'm looking forward to it, imagine how Noah's feeling!

Anyway, here are some bits from his letters:

"I pretty much balled my eyes out reading your letters" (BTW, Noah - not a crier!)

"Oh, today was actually really nice. I was an escort for someone who needed to go to the hospital to get meds, so when we were there, I didn't get yelled at or anything. It was awesome. Watched TV :)"

"Keep the letters coming. I don't get a lot of time to write, so even if you don't get a whole lot, send as many as you can. And give out my address to anyone and everyone!"

I had to laugh reading that last one. Before he left, he told me, "I'm not giving anyone my address. I don't want any letters. Don't write to me, Sarah" Oh, how things change. I knew he'd want letters. And I've been a good sister. Four letters out and another one on the way.

Good News!

2010-03-16T13:25:00.002-07:00

Ok, ok. So, I realize that I committed to writing everyday. I realize that I also haven't posted anything in quite some time. "Over a month, Sarah!" I hear you.

But, I've got super good news to make up for it:

That's Mat and I looking at My Engagement Ring!!

More details coming soon :)

The Desires of My Heart

2010-02-13T14:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think life would be easier if I could peek into my future. Just a quick glance, you know. Mostly I want to check to see what I get. Which of my desires will eventually be met, and which ones should I just give up on now?

Somehow I just think life would be easier if I knew what was coming, and when I could expect it: Who and when will I marry? Will it be a good marriage? Will I have kids? Will I be a good parent? Will I have a house? Will it look nice? Will I like it? Will I stay in Tucson or move? Will I have enough money to not have to worry?

I feel like if I could bank on any of these things, I could rest a little easier. If I could know, for sure, that my husband and my kids and I will live in a beautiful house, I would be much happier right now. But, the truth is, I don't know any of that for sure. Instead, I have to trust God. I have to trust that God has good intentions for my life and wants to bless me.

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart" Psalm 37:4

I once heard a sermon on this verse that interpreted it differently than I had ever heard before. The pastor said that "give you the desires of your heart" didn't mean that God would fulfill your current desires, it meant that God will actually give you new desires. He will cause you to want what He wants Himself. He will cause you to want what He would be more than happy to give you.

That changed my life. When I first heard that sermon, about 7 years ago, I promptly committed that verse to memory, and I remember it to this day. I immediately started to evaluate my desires, the ones I had been asking God for over and over again. I began instead, to pray for God to give me the desires of His heart as I delighted myself in Him.

And, certainly, I'm not perfect. I still find myself falling into a rut of telling God what I want, almost demanding it of Him, and being upset if I don't get it. Telling God, "I don't understand why you would give me this desire and then not fulfill it!" What I have to realize is that (a) usually when I fall into this rut, I am thinking about myself, and my desires are selfish, and (b) God's ways are so far above my ways, and when He chooses not to fulfill a desire right now, He has a very valid and meaningful reason. My job is just to trust Him.

So, I'm trusting that God will come through. As I put my effort into delighting myself in Him, and focus on my relationship with Jesus, the lover of my soul, as I stop trying to get what I want and instead try to please God, He will change me. He will lessen the pull of worldly wants, and draw me closer to His heart. He will make me see so clearly what I really, truly want, and how He has already given it to me.

What are you asking God for right now? What are the desires of your heart? Are they from God?

My Best Friend

2010-02-11T08:17:00.001-07:00

Wednesday nights is when I meet with my "small group" - my 6th grade girls that I do Bible study with. The youth group meets for games and then breaks into groups for the Bible study part. Afterwards, we all hang out until parents come and pick up their kids.

I was talking to two kids last night, Jacen and Rachel, while waiting for parents. They were mock arguing over which one of them I considered my "best friend." (This is the new thing...it's not about being a favorite anymore, it's about being a best friend) Jacen goes to my school and is in my class, and Rachel is one of my small group girls, which was the basis for each of their arguments. At one point, it turned to gifts. "Sarah, if I bring you a cookie, will I be your best friend?"

What am I supposed to say? "Uh, ya?!?!" Of course I encouraged this. I want a free cookie! So, then they kept one-upping each other with the gifts they would bring me....coffee, chocolate, lunch, lots of cookies. Good fun.

This morning, before school started, Jacen stopped by my room and dropped this off:
(In my defense, I really expected both of them to forget about it)

So, for the record, my "best friend" is Jacen. I love being a youth leader.

Cute Kids!

2010-02-10T12:01:00.002-07:00

Here are some pictures from a recent sitting my brothers and I did. The pictures were supposed to be for my dad for Christmas, but they didn't come in in time. So, he just got them for his birthday.

So Excited!

2010-02-09T13:16:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot recently about next school year, thinking about what I've done during the past 6 months, and how I could improve it. I keep coming up with new and better ideas!

Right now, I am super excited about this. I want to sit down and turn these ideas into realities. I want to ask and answer the questions: Are my ideas feasible? What kinds of preparations do I need to make? How can I make these ideas work in a classroom full of kids?

And that kind of puts me in a hard spot. I am excited about next year right now, and I want to work on it while I'm excited, and while the creative juices are flowing. But I also don't want to forget this year. I've still got a few months ahead of me for the 09-10 School Year. I've still got lots of planning to do and preparations to make right in front of me.

So, I'm trying to find a balance. A balance of getting ready for next July, (yes, my school year starts mid-July) and getting ready for next week. A balance of making next year great, and making this year great. A balance of dreaming big and finding out what will actually work.

What are you excited about right now?

Bye, Noah!

2010-02-08T21:46:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, the SuperBowl party I went to was fantastic.

30+ people gathered around 2 televisions in separate rooms. One was receiving the game through Dish Network, and was about 5 seconds behind the other TV, which was receiving the game through the local TV stations. Our room would cheer for a touchdown, "aww" for a missed pass, or laugh at a commercial, then listen for the other room to do the same a few seconds later, knowing exactly what they were making noise about.

More food than the whole lot of us could have possibly eaten, including pulled beef sandwiches, guacamole and salsa, buffalo wings, rattlesnake eggs (jalapeños and cream cheese wrapped in bacon), fruits and veggies, meatballs, brownies, cookies, candy, and a cake decorated like a football field.

It was a great party, and it wasn't just for the SuperBowl. It was also a going-away party for Noah, my brother who is joining the Air Force. He left for Basic today, the day after the SuperBowl, which he thought was perfect timing. Most of the people at our house were his friends, coming to bid him farewell and good luck. (The only thing that could have made the day better is if our team, the Vikings, could have been in the SuperBowl. But, they lost to the Saints, and that's a whole 'nother post!)

As I left yesterday, I said goodbye to him, feeling odd that it would be the last time I would see him or talk to him for a few months. I told him I would write him letters, and see him in April, when he graduates. I lived with Noah for a year, up until last October. He is one of my favorite people, and I always have a good time hanging out with him.

This morning, Noah and my mom stopped by school to see me one more time. Made my day! I am a little sad that Noah is leaving, and teared up just a bit while saying goodbye, but mostly I am excited for him. I know this is what he really wants, and I know that he is anxious to go. I think this adventure will be really good for him.

This is the first time our family won't all live near each other. I will miss him dearly, and I don't think I fully know yet what it will be like to not have him living 10 minutes away from me, but I'm not sad.

I feel like this post is just a collection of rambled thoughts, not really coherent or in any logical order. I hope you got through it anyway.

When was the first time your family was "separated?" What was it like for you?

Superbowl Sunday

2010-02-07T11:46:00.001-07:00

Wake up to the sound of rain.
Sleep in a little longer than I should because I love the sound of rain outside my window.
Go to church to be with my favorite 6th grade girls.
Stop by the sound booth to say Hi to Mandi and Nate, and share stories about the weekend.
Come home for an hour or so to work a little bit (or blog...).
Lunch with some of my favorite people. Lots of laughing.
Enjoy the rain some more.
Meet up with Mat and drive to my parents' house.
Talk about the awesome party we are on our way to.
Hugs, greetings, fun and laughter.
Win every board game we play.
Scream at the TV, while knowing that they can't hear me.
Good food. Plenty of it.
Spend lots of time with Noah, the last chance I will get to hang out with him for quite a while.
Take a few minutes to myself to pray that God with be with my brother as he heads off to Basic Training.
Inform Noah that he will be giving me his address, whether he wants to or not.
Hug him tight and tell him that he will do great.
Drive back home, talking about the food, the games, the Game, and the fun.
Thank God for such a great day.

Relationship Status

2010-02-06T15:32:00.001-07:00

Last October, I spent a few hours just me and God. I went on a one-day retreat to the mountains. During the morning, we were sent out with a Bible, a journal, and a devotional, and told to come back in 2 hours.

"2 hours?" I thought, probably just like several others. "What am I supposed to do for 2 hours?"

So, I walked a little ways and enjoyed the view. We were at the top of the mountain, looking down over the city. It was stunning. I sat down and got settled. I opened the devotional and got started. I prayed that God would use this time to draw me closer to Him. I prayed that I would be able to focus, and not let my mind wander to the million things I could be doing at home on this Saturday. I prayed that God would really get to me, telling me what I needed to hear. Then, I was told to be silent, and let God speak.

What came out was that I needed to work on building and strengthening relationships in my life - all sorts of relationships. Mat, Mandi, my parents, my students, my small group girls, Noah and Zach, my colleagues, God Himself. I realized that I needed to go from "ok" relationships to "great" relationships, and that meant going further, investing deeper, understanding more, and asking more questions.

God presented it to me as an adventure. (Which shows that He knows me oh-so-well. I'm always up for an adventure!) Adventures are risky and a little scary. Adventures are challenging, and in order to participate in one, you have to go beyond what you already know how to do. Adventures require all of you. Adventures are exciting and fun, and are where the best memories are made. Yep, diving into relationships is definitely going to be an adventure.

I walked away from that time very excited about what was coming up. I wanted to talk to people as soon as possible, and get started.

The truth is, New Year's came around, and I realized I hadn't really invested in relationships. I hadn't done anything intentional. So, I decided to start. I decided to get going, for real.

A month into the year, and I am still conscious of my resolution, and still working towards that goal, and that is a success for me! I plan on continuing to post more about my growing relationships throughout the year, to keep you informed, and to remind me to keep working on them.

Oh, and p.s. - when the 2 hours were up, I couldn't believe it was time to leave already. I wanted more time!

A Little Bit of Grace

2010-02-05T08:13:00.000-07:00

I got called out the other day. The thing is, I deserved it.

When I started teaching a year and a half ago, I loved it. Every minute of it, including the late nights of grading and seemingly endless hours of planning that went into it. By the end of the year, I was a little worn out, and I know my teaching wasn't at it's best.

Then, I had summer break. Glorious summer break. Even in my semi year-round district, where summer is only 6 weeks long, it was amazing. I honestly had mixed feelings going back to work. I was headed back to a job I loved, but I was giving up summer to do it.

I also came back to a brand new job, which meant setting up a new classroom, and writing new lesson plans, and almost going through my first year as a teacher again. It was a big task, and as I set out to accomplish it, I soon realized that it was too big. I was struggling. Big time. I was struggling to keep up, struggling to make my classes meaningful and engaging, struggling to enjoy my time at school.

In a few months after the beginning of school, I went from "How do I be the best teacher I can be?" to "What do I have to do to get by?" to "How can I hide the fact that I am not doing my job?"

And did I ask for help? Nooooo. Of course not. I can't let people know that I don't know what I am doing. I can't let people know that I am struggling with even the basics of this job.

Anyway, after half a year of this, I finally hit Christmas break. During those 2 weeks, I got a little bit of rest, and a lot of motivation. I came back and tried to do my best. I tried to change the way I had been doing things, and work hard at my job. I tried, I really did, but I fell back into some old habits. While the last few weeks of school have been much better, I'm still not at my top performance level.

That's when I got called out. In a meeting with my assistant principal the other day, we talked about my ability to put together lessons (excellent), my ability to manage a classroom (needs work) and my ability to work hard and put my best effort into my job (uh, not!). "Sarah, do you feel like your effort level has been doing this lately?" he said as he shows a sharp decline with his hand. "Yes," I say and nod in agreement. And, he didn't ask me why, which was a good thing, because I'm not sure I would have had an answer for him. He didn't threaten me with the possible consequences of letting such a thing continue. He didn't work out a plan for my improvement, where I would be reporting directly to him everything I am doing. He just told me that my lack of effort was unacceptable, and left it at that.

After such a beating (trust me, it felt like a beating), I should have been a little hurt, or a little deflated. I should have felt so disappointed in myself, and spent the rest of the day a little down. But I didn't. I walked out of that room feeling great. I walked out of that room so motivated to do my best, ready to work hard at my job, simply because it's my job. I walked out of that room feeling like I wanted to be a good teacher, because I knew that my boss hadn't been looking down on me, thinking, "What can I find that Sarah is doing wrong?" He was thinking, "This girl could be such a great educator, how can I make her better?"

In relating this story to a friend later on, and telling her I didn't know what it was about that meeting that I was so encouraged by, she said, "Hmm...did Sarah experience a little grace?" Bing! That was it. My boss extended grace to me, and it changed everything. Funny, how powerful such a little thing can be.

When have you experienced grace lately?

Jennifer

2010-01-23T15:08:00.001-07:00

When I was in high school, I babysat for a lady named Jennifer. Not only did she have a terrific kid, Joshua, she was kind, and loving, and took an interest in my life.

I don't remember exactly how it happened, but I remember Jennifer offering to start leading a Bible study for me and a few of my girlfriends. So, every Wednesday, Amy, Kristin, Savannah, Christy and I would head over to Jennifer's house for a few hours of talking and reading and studying. I absolutely loved it.

We talked about boys and dating and marriage. We talked about school. We talked about being women of grace, controlling our tongues, and how to treat people with respect. We talked about what Jesus did for us on the cross. Some nights we brought guitars and sang worship songs all night. That Bible study had a profound impact on my life. To this day, some 6 years later, I still remember the lessons I learned with Jennifer. In my small group with young middle school girls, I find myself repeating the words Jennifer would use, and teaching them the lessons that she taught us.

After I graduated high school, I moved to the other side of the world. Jennifer and I still send emails back and forth, and while we don't have frequent contact, I still consider her important. She was one of the first people I told when I started dating Mat. She will be invited to my wedding, and sent an announcement when I have my first baby. I don't think I'd be the person I am today without her influence.

Jennifer made such an impact on my life, simply because she cared. She was a wife and a mom with a busy schedule and a family to take care of. She didn't have training on how to mentor 17-year-old girls, but she did it anyway, and did a great job at it.

I care a lot about middle school and high school students. I teach middle school, and have been involved in my church's student ministries for several years. What I've learned is that they need someone to be there for them, some adult to love them, someone who is not their parent (parents - you are wonderful, and do amazing things for your kids, you are irreplaceable in their lives). My challenge for you is to be one of those people. Would you consider getting involved in the life of a young person? I know that sometimes it is scary, and maybe you feel like they won't want you in their lives. But, trust me, they do. Maybe you feel like you aren't qualified, but if you have any love in your heart to give, then you are ready.

Would you consider this, please?

To-Do: Write blog post.

2010-01-21T13:46:00.000-07:00

Whew....life is catching up with me, and I am falling behind on blog posts!

Today, I am tired. I am running on a few hours of sleep, doing my best to not get frustrated with my students, and doing my best to work hard rather than slump through the day.

My to-do list gets items added at a much faster rate than I can cross them off, and as such I have a constant list of things that must get done, and get done soon. I am oftentimes overwhelmed by all that is required of me. When I get too overwhelmed, I shut down. I stop working. I go home and get out a book, or decide that now is a perfect time to give myself a mani/pedi, or spend an hour wandering around Target. I do anything to avoid what I should be doing, because I don't know how to handle it.

Recently, I've noticed this about myself. I've also noticed that it leads to a longer and more intimidating to do list. Here are some of the tactics I've used to help me out:

1. Make a physical to-do list. By writing it out, I don't have to depend on my mind to keep all of that information. I don't have to jump around from task to task in an effort not to forget anything. Plus, then I can physically cross it off when I'm done, and man, does that feel good!

2. Break it down! Some benefits of taking a big task and turning it into a bunch of little tasks: Longer list, but more crossing off (which, as mentioned, feels so good!); I don't feel like I have to finish the whole thing at once; I am more likely to actually do it.

3. Prioritize. I have been trying a new thing where I pick the top 5 most important things to get done today, and make sure those things get done. If I do more, awesome. But, those 5 things are a minimum. This really helps to keep the to-do list from piling up.

4. Do what you can. Sometimes, I just don't feel like working, and I cannot motivate myself to do anything. No matter what. So, instead of allowing myself to jump on Facebook to kill time, I try to find easy, menial tasks on my to do list, and make myself do those. Things that don't take a whole lot of energy or thinking, but still need to get done. "Hmm..." I'll think, "I don't feel like planning and making lunch for the week, but I can fold laundry!" or "I'm too worn out to grade papers right now, but I can make copies for next week!" At least something is getting done. Also, sometimes this small stuff motivates me to tackle the big stuff. Yay!

That's why, today, even though I am tired, I will not let this be a wasted day. I will decide what's important, and work though my list one thing at a time. I will keep working, even if it's just picking up trash and wiping down my white boards. I will get to the end of the day and not feel like I am more behind than when I started.

What are some of your day to day struggles? How have you learned to deal with them?

Go

2010-01-19T20:52:00.000-07:00

Every Tuesday, in my math elective class, is "Game Tuesday." I'll introduce an easy to learn game that involves math and thinking and strategy. They play for the day, then tell me what their strategies were: How did they win? What would cause them to lose? What did they need to watch out for? Is it better to go first or second?

Most of the time they get into the games. Many of them are competitive like I am. Today, I was shocked. They were totally into the game like I've never seen them before! I couldn't believe it.

We played a simplified (maybe?) version of the Japanese game Go. I traced out a square on a piece of graph paper. Opponents took turns marking X's and O's on the intersections, trying to make 5 in a row.

That's it. That's the whole game.

While I don't know how it's played, exactly, I know that Go is a highly strategic game. I know that, like Chess, people study, and compete, and strategize, and play for years to become a master at the game. But I didn't know if my 12-year-old students would be as interested. Apparently, they were. They took me by surprise today and I liked it.

I Believe...

2010-01-15T12:00:00.001-07:00

I believe that God loves me. He has given me more than I deserve. Much more. He loves me enough to tell me no when it is for my own good. He knows me - good parts and bad - and still loves me.

I believe that God is good. Completely and perfectly good, and there isn't even a hint of evil in him. He has always been good, and always will be good.

I believe that God is so much more than me. He knows more, he loves more, he is more intelligent. His ways are higher than my ways. He is stronger, bigger and better.

I believe that it is only when I have a relationship with God that can I be completely satisfied. He designed us to be in communion with him, and something isn't right in our lives when we're not.

I believe that God has a plan that is bigger than me, and that he has invited me to be a part of that plan. It involves looking beyond me. It involves leaving behind my own personal happiness, my worries and fears, and my selfish desires. But it's worth it. So worth it.

I'm Hungry

2010-01-14T17:24:00.002-07:00

I found Zucchini and Yellow Squash on sale the other day, so yesterday I cooked them for dinner. I sliced up one of each, along with a green bell pepper, and cooked them on the stove with some olive oil. It was pretty good.

I am not a cook by any means. I like to cook, and am capable of doing it, I just don't cook that often. Usually when I get home from work, I have stuff to do, or I just don't have the motivation to make a meal. Plus, I find it a little annoying to cook for one person. Plus, if I do the cooking, I also have to do all the cleaning. (I think that deters me more than anything else!) Plus, my boyfriend is a fabulous cook and he makes me dinner once or twice a week. He enjoys cooking and is really good at it. He's gotten me (mostly) out of my picky eating habits.

But, I do cook occasionally, and I do have a few good dishes up my sleeve:

Tacos. My cousin showed me how she makes tacos, and I love it! Start with ground beef with a little bit of taco seasoning, green chiles and tomatoes mixed in. Then, to make the shells, she heats up a small pan of veggie oil, and puts a tortilla in to cook, folds it over to make a shell, and then lets it cool off. Set out all of your favorite taco fixin's, and your done!

Fried Rice. This is pretty plain, pretty easy fried rice. I put some rice in a pan, along with soy sauce and anything else I feel like for flavor. Sometimes just seasonings. Sometimes onions and bell peppers. Whatever I have. I top it off with a scrambled egg, and voila! Fried rice. (I got a set of real chopsticks for Christmas, which makes fried rice even better. I'm gonna have to make it soon...)

Pasta Alfredo with chicken and broccoli. Yum. I steam the broccoli and cook the chicken and pasta. I like to heat up the sauce, too (the sauce that comes out of a jar!). Then, mix and eat. Easy.

Also in my repertoire are toast, cereal, bagel sandwiches and freezer pizza ;)

I was hungry before writing this, and now I'm even more hungry. I better go eat something.

Are you a cook? What do you like to make? What do you like (or not like) about cooking?

Lies

2010-01-13T11:57:00.001-07:00

"To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

"...He [the devil] was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies."

These words from John 8 are exactly what I need today. I so often listen to and believe the lies that Satan tells me. The lies he tells me with the intent of destroying me.

Last night, the lie I was told was that my boyfriend didn't love me. That he was tired of me. That he wanted me to be someone else.

I know this to be a lie. I know that Mat loves me. I know it because he tells me often, and shows me by the things he does. He tells me that he loves me every time he makes me dinner. Every time he stops by my work to see me. Every time he holds me and tells me I am beautiful. He loves me.

The thing is, he didn't even have to do anything last night for me to start doubting that love. It wasn't the result of an argument, or a harsh word. Somewhere out of the blue (seemingly), I started to doubt the fact that he loved me. And it bugged me all night, until finally Mat asked me what was bothering me.

And I hate that. I hate that I can be so easily swayed, so easily lied to, so easily convinced otherwise when the truth has been demonstrated to me over and over again. I hate it.

Satan is the father of lies. He has a stack of lies to feed you, and knows how to make you believe them. He knows how to make me believe them.

One thing that helped me last night was talking to Mat. When he asked me what was wrong, I told him, "Nothing" at first. A few minutes later, when I decided to tell him, I realized what a difference it makes to say things out loud. Lies sound so much more convincing in my head.

What lies do you hear and believe sometimes? How do you battle them?

Time for Math!

2010-01-11T13:46:00.001-07:00

I am a math girl. I love mathematics, and I love teaching mathematics to middle schoolers. One class that I am teaching at my school is called MathCounts, which is a math elective. (Yes, as I tell my friends, some student do elect to take an additional math class!) We do creative problem solving and other fun, math-related things.

Here are some of the problems we are doing or have done. I just wanted to give you a chance to try them. Enjoy :) Feel free to post your answers in the comments. Beware of looking at comments if you want to try to solve them on your own!

1. The mean of a set of five different positive integers is 15. The median is 18. What is the maximum value of the largest of these five integers?

2. At a party, each man danced with exactly three women, and each woman danced with exactly two men. Twelve men attended the party. How many women were there?

3. There is a list of seven numbers. The average of the first four numbers is 5, and the average of the last four numbers is 8. If the average of all 7 numbers is 6 4/7, then what is the number common to both sets of four numbers? (My kids had a really hard time understanding this one. "Miss, are there 7 numbers or 8 numbers? I think there's a typo.")

Zachary

2010-01-09T17:09:00.001-07:00

When he was in middle school, he once got suspended for following through on a dare. A friend of his dared him to sign his name on her underwear. So of course he did it.

His interests vary. He's been athletic since he was little, and follows baseball and football. He played t-ball and baseball since I can remember, and tried football in high school, but soon found his niche playing basketball. He's good at it, and his height helps. In high school, he developed an enjoyment of reading, allowing the two of us to discuss books. Recently, he started playing guitar, and as of Christmas is now the owner of an acoustic and an electric.

One day (after I became a teacher), he said to me, "Sarah, there are some kids in my class who just goof around. They don't pay attention and they refuse to do homework. I just don't get it. How can you do that?"

Yep, my brother has grown up into quite a guy. As the youngest in our family, he was always just a little bit of a trouble maker, but he had the charm and the charisma to get out of being punished. We used to joke that he would grow up to be a criminal or a really, really good lawyer.

When he started adolescence, I used to worry about him. Who would he become? What if he went down the wrong path?

He didn't. In high school, he was highly involved with the school, playing sports and being a member of student council. He took honors classes and got mostly A's. He has a great group of friends, whose worst crime is TP-ing each other's houses. He just graduated this past May and is taking classes in hopes of becoming a firefighter.

Zach makes me proud.

Who are you proud of?

Thank You

2010-01-08T22:52:00.000-07:00

Thank you, Mandi. For being an amazing friend year after year. For not giving up on our friendship when lives get busy or things get hard. For celebrating, complaining, anticipating and commiserating with me.

Thank you, Mat. For loving me the way I am. For finding out who I am, and accepting it while also encouraging me to be better. Thank you for taking care of me and taking me on adventures.

Thank you, Bill and Robin. For being excellent friends. For caring about me and being involved in my life. For giving me an example of people who are seeking God and committing their whole lives to him, and an example of two people who work so well together, and still are themselves with no apologies.

Thank you, Micah, Shannon, Jesse, Eileen, Christine and Maria. For investing in me and working with me so much to make me a better teacher. For believing in me.

Thank you, Mom and Dad. For still being happily married. For encouraging me to do things when I just wanted to give up. For making sure I don't want for anything.

Thank you, Jim, Rachel and Jennifer. For coming alongside middle school and high school me, and getting me to where I am today. For investing in the lives of young people, guiding them to the Savior, and inspiring me to do the same.

Who do you need to thank?

Goodness.

2010-01-07T16:48:00.000-07:00

That's the value that guides my life. That's the question I got yesterday. The question I thought about all day, and couldn't answer. (I was sad that I missed a day of posting - even if it wasn't due to forgetting or not finding the time)

After sleeping on it, I've realized that goodness - not the doing right by others kind, the wanting to be good at everything kind - drives my life. I want to be the best at what I do. I want to be a good teacher, I want to be a good friend, I want to be a good small group leader, I want to be a good girlfriend, daughter, housekeeper, snowboarder. You name it, I want to be good at it.

That wouldn't be so bad, except that it is. For several little reasons:

I am super-competitive. I have gotten a lot better, but it was uncontrollable. I didn't care about people, I cared about winning (or being the best).

Sometimes, when I know I can't be the best, or at least among the best, I give up.

It's disappointing when I'm not as good at something as I'd like to be. It hurts.

And, here's the biggie: A lot of times, I tell God, "I got this. I can do it."

I want to be a good Christian. I want to be good at loving God and loving people, serving others, reading the Bible and obeying God. And being humble. I tell myself, and tell God, that I'll get there. I'll keep trying, keep learning, keep reading books and blogs. Eventually, I will be good at it.

Ya, but Sarah, God doesn't work that way. God doesn't look at my futile attempts to be a better Christian (and make myself pleased with myself) and think, "Wow, that girl loves me." He thinks, "I wish she would realize that she can't do it, but that I would change her if she would depend on me."

But then, the endless cycle begins. I can learn to depend on God. I'll keep trying, keep learning...

What value guides your life?

Gifts

2010-01-05T17:30:00.000-07:00

"What is the best gift you have ever given?"

I read this question "Which gift meant the most to the receiver?" I feel like that makes it hard to answer, because I can get super excited about a gift, when really, it ends up not meaning a whole lot to whomever opened it.

Even with that excuse, one gift immediately popped into my head. Last year for Christmas, I gave my dad 12 coupons for a free lunch. The idea was that I would take him out to lunch once a month in the following year, for a chance to hang out together and build up our relationship. I think he really liked it. I really liked it. Because, really, I was giving him a gift that means something, a gift that would last, rather than stuff to fill his house/office/car/closet. We're still working on our relationship, but the lunches were fun, and they made a difference.

What is the best gift you've given? How do you measure "best?"

So, what does a girl like you do in her free time?

2010-01-04T13:28:00.002-07:00

First Monday of the year. First day back to work after 2 weeks off. This is when it is going to get tricky finding time to blog everyday. At least I'm off to a good start!

"Outside of work or study, what kind of extra-curricular activities or hobbies do you enjoy?"

I like to create! I started with scrapbooks, and loved it. Then, I started making greeting cards, which is a lot of fun and adds a personal touch. Then, I was introduced to altered items. Take anything you want - an old book, a deck of cards, a jar, a Christmas tin - and alter it! Cover it in paper, paint it, add sequins and bows, do whatever you want to it! I want to start redoing items I find at thrift stores, like chairs and lamps and clocks. I've totally been inspired by this blog, Better After.

I am also a reader. Once I get into a good book, there's no putting it down. There's nothing quite like a good book that keeps you up until 4am.

Now that it's winter, another hobby comes into play - snowboarding. I try to get one trip in each year. A few years ago, I got my own snowboard and I've gotten pretty good since then. Here is me and some friend on the trip I took last year.

Math and logic puzzles. Sudoku, Cross Sums, KenKen, I love them all!

Well, that's me. What do you like to do?

Guilt

2010-01-03T23:57:00.000-07:00

"Were you ever accused of something you didn't do?"

When I think of this question, I think of guilt. Not godly guilt that leads to repentance, but guilt from Satan, guilt that leads to shame. Isn't such guilt an accusation?

When I feel guilty about something that I shouldn't, it's because I've been accused of something that I didn't do.

Not all guilt is bad. God does convict us of our sin through the Holy Spirit. But guilt that lasts is not of God. Guilt that brings shame is not of God. It is a false accusation, meant to separate you from your loving Father.

In my own life, Satan accuses me of not loving God because I don't read my Bible consistently. He accuses me of not truly being a Christian, because I can go days without spending time in prayer. He accuses me of being a worthless girl who can't be used by God for a single thing.

Lies, all of it.

What about you? What do you feel accused of?

What Matters

2010-01-02T11:17:00.000-07:00

Day 2. Still going strong :)

I'm in a pretty contemplative mood right now, and even though it's just past midnight, I reason that it's technically the 2nd and I can pull out the next card!

"What are you doing with your life that you feel really matters?"

Hmm...that's a real question. Just what I was hoping for.

I am a teacher. I think that matters. As a math teacher, my goal is for students to learn to think and be problem-solvers. I want them to learn skills that they will always use, not just how to solve for x. I sometimes get caught up in the day-to-day aspect of it, but when I sit down and think, I realize that what I am doing matters.

I am investing in a relationship. I spend a lot of time with my boyfriend. Mostly, it is just because I like him and enjoy being with him, but it is an investment. This man could one day be my husband and the father of my children. With that in mind, what we do now, what we talk about, matters. Making this relationship work is making me more Christ-like, and that matters.

I am a small group leader. At my church, I lead a group of middle school girls in a weekly Bible study. I am teaching these girls what it means to be a Christian. What it means to follow God with your whole heart. What it means to love others first.

I am a Christ-follower. This is what matters most. All those things I am teaching my small group girls, I am attempting to learn on my own. Even though I don't make it first, it ought to be the thing that matters most, and the thing that determines what else matters.

So, your turn! What are you doing with your life that you feel really matters? (I am writing this in hopes that I will get readers....I don't think I have any yet!)

Experiments and Lying

2010-01-01T12:43:00.000-07:00

So, this blog is a big experiment. I am a hardcore journal-er, and I've been debating the idea of a blog for a while. I even started (and promptly deleted) one a few months ago.

But, then a friend gave me a jar with a bunch of cards in it. Along with it came a note that started with "Draw one card each day from the journal jar." She told me it was for blogging in the new year.

So, here goes. I can imagine the number of new blogs started today. This is just another one, and I'm not even sure what it will be about yet. I just know I'll be picking a card each day and writing about whatever it says. I am committing to that this year.

The first card says, "Tell a story of a time when you were naughty as a child." Well, that's a great way to start this blog. My bad side.

I remember when my brother Noah tried to charge into my room. I was standing with the door open, and right when he got to the door, I slammed it shut. I don't remember what I thought that would do. What it did do was cause him a lot of pain. He fell to the floor and started crying, so of course my mom came in to see what had happened. When she asked me, I told her that I was just shutting my door and he happened to be walking through it as I was closing it. I didn't see him.

I don't know if she really believed me, but I didn't get in trouble that day. She just took care of Noah and left me be. That was the first time I remember lying. I realized that day that I could lie to get myself out of trouble, and since then, I've done it many times. I wish that was a lesson I hadn't learned.

Yearbook

Want a tour?

homeowners to be...

...and then there were two

Plans for Spring Break

Miscellany

Funniest Moment of My Day

One Month

Introducing....

An Old Fashioned Handwritten Letter

Good Teaching Moments

My Sweet Husband

Countdowns

Not Gone

I am a teacher.

A Special Day

What do you think?

I'm ready

girl meets blog

Blogs I Love - Overflow of a Hart

Blogs I Love - (in)courage

Blogs I Love - Metropolitan Mama

Blogs I Love - f(t)

Today we celebrate...

Blogs I Love - Better After

Honest?

No Fear!

Beauty: part two

Beauty: part one

Fear: part two

Fear: part one

It's coming

Two Biggies

I love this man.

It's the final countdown...

Sought Me Out

Shoe Shopping

God's Timing

Proposition 100

Advice

Habits To Develop:

Romanced

2 Mondays Left...

My Biggest Joy

Busy Weekend

Game Tuesday

Personal Goals

The Resurrection Body

Who are you?

Packrat

What did you do for someone else?

Blogging Every Day!!

Consistent Time with God

Preparing for Marriage

Noah made it!

The Resurrection of the Dead

The Resurrection of Christ

Silence and Remembering God

Worship

More Beth Moore!

The Resurrection of Christ

1 Now, brothers, I want to remind you of the gospel I preached to you, which you received and on which you have taken your stand. 2 By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise, you have believed in vain.

The Resurrection of the Dead

The Resurrection Body

First Day of School

That Kind of Person

The Story

Cleaning House

Update on Noah

Good News!

The Desires of My Heart

My Best Friend

Cute Kids!

So Excited!

Bye, Noah!

Superbowl Sunday

Relationship Status

A Little Bit of Grace

Jennifer

To-Do: Write blog post.

¹Now, brothers, I want to remind you of the gospel I preached to you, which you received and on which you have taken your stand. ²By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise, you have believed in vain.